Find in Me Thine All in All

Today I have been fretting. Some things where wearing heavy on my heart, and I was worrying and upset. I even called my husband at work and started crying at one point. I was a mess. I was fretting and well just a wreck. My husband (he is so wise) told me to stop what I was doing, rest quietly, turn on some soothing music and rest in God. Well wouldn't you know, I did and it started working? (funny how things work out when I listen to my husband)

I have a pandora channel for soothing old hymns, and when I'm stressed and upset I put it on and rest in my Savior. I put it on and started praying that God would work out what I was fretting about. A peace just washed over me. Yes, the situation was still there, but I wasn't worried about it. I know that God had it under control. My soul found peace in my Lord; He is in control and my worrying does nothing.

Then the song Jesus Paid It All came on and the first verse was exactly what I needed to hear.
 "I hear the Savior say,
'Thy strength indeed is small;
Child of weakness, watch and pray,
Find in Me thine all in all.'"

Wow! Isn't that perfect? Yes my strength is so small! When I lean on my own understanding, and my own strength I quickly crumple. Life just falls apart when I try to work in my own strength. When I finally gave the situation to God, I realized that I don't have to face it alone. I don't have to face life on my own strength. Because I am a Christian, I don't face life without hope, or alone, I face it with the Creator of the universe! 

When I look to myself for strength, I fail. I fall apart. I fret, but when I look to my God for my all in all, then I can face anything. I'm not saying its always easy. And I'm not saying life with Christ is always easy, but I am saying that I have a strength that is not my own. 

I know that my strength, in and of myself, is small. I know that when I look to myself I am weak. But I know that the Savior of the world has more than enough strength for me to lean on. And when I find my all in all in Him, I am at peace.

Random Thoughts About Serving God

Something I'm really thinking about is how much do I share my convictions and beliefs. How much do I say "hey, this is what I believe." or how much do I just let my actions show my beliefs? Its something that I think everyone needs to work through in their own  way. 

I knew someone that was constantly sharing his beliefs, you can't meet him without hearing about his faith. He preaches on the street corners, and he is so open. But then I know people that completely do not share their faith at all. They just say that God will work through them, but then they act no differently than anyone else, and you can't tell the difference.

Along with this, how do you balance showing the love of God with saying, ok this is my standard and I want to not be tainted by the world. How do you stay out of the world, but take Jesus' example and be loving to people that are obviously sinners? 

Honestly, I don't have the answer. I mean to me, I think that my faith is such an integral part of my life. You just look at me and I'm obviously different. I wear long skirts, modest shirts and I have very long hair. But then I want to not just look at me and then my testimony stop, but I want my actions to show Christ, His love and His power. 

I have to admit that I need to do a better job of making sure that my God is the focal point of my life. I dont want it to be something that is just a part of my life, I want it to be the thing that guides my life. I want everything to do to praise the Lord. 

 

Something I see so much of is people feeling like they have to follow certain rules to earn God's salvation and favor. I think this is so wrong. This changes the revelations from the Word of God and the convictions that He gives and makes them something that becomes like a prison and pressure. It saddens me so much because my beliefs and the revelations that I have don't mean that I'm in a prison. It makes me happy to follow them because is my way of showing God that I love him. Its like making supper for my husband or getting him a special present. I don't do it because I have to follow some rules to earn favors and salvation, I do it to show my love.

I want God to be the thing that my life wraps around. I want to people see how much joy serving God puts in my life. I want them to see that loving God and serving Him has changed my life and continues to change my life I want people to see that.

But how hard is it balance everything in my Christian life. I think that I've come to the conclusion that I'm going to live in the way that serves my God, and the way He has shown me. God will take care of how people see what I do, and how my testimony gets across. I started to realize that it isn't my job to make sure people get the right idea, its His job. As long as I'm living my life the way He has shown me, and showing Him how much He means to me, than He will have to worry about all his other creation and how they view me.

Making God First

I feel like our life is changing at a break neck speed right now and I haven't updated you all about it. Well, this post will not be about our rapidly changing life, that post will come later. No I promise it really will. This post will be about something else. Something God has been pounding into my head, and heart, a lot lately. Its come up in so many conversations, and in my Bible reading, and sermons. Just oh so many places.

This thing God has been showing me is how important a personal walk with Him really is. A personal relationship with God has to be everything in your life. It has to be the thing that you make the most important. I have to admit that lately I have not been doing a good job at working on my relationship with God. I have not made it a number one priority. So many times I think about working on my relationship with father, my family and others, and I start to neglect my relationship with God. What is wrong with me? Why is it that my relationship with God is one of the first things that I so quickly drop when things start to get busy? I know, I am ashamed to admit it. It is so wrong. But I have promised to always be honest on here.

So back to what God is showing me. I am realizing that he does not want my leftovers. He does not want what I have left over in my time to give Him. I know that in my relationship with my husband I have to make an effort to build our relationship. I can't just give my husband my scraps of time, and expect my relationship with Him to grow. I am realizing (and yes God has taught me this before, but in my somehow human mind I seem to forget this) that God needs my attention. He needs more than I even give my husband. If my other activities are taking away from my relationship with Him, than it should never by my relationship with Him that suffers, it should be that I need to take something out of my life that is distracting me. Working on my relationship with God should be the most important thing in my life.

Something that I have seen in my growing up (I'm at the ripe old age of 20, gasp!) is many of my friends, and aquaintances that I thought would never leave their faith are leaving everything I thought they believed in. Many people that came from good Chrstian families, and who I thought had strong Christian backgrounds are renouncing their faith. Now in many of their lives, it has to do with many different reasons, and I'm not saying that any one reason causes this, but something I am seeing as a big issue is that these people do not have their own personal relationship with God. In so many of these "good" Christian families the parents have a relationship with God, and teach their kids a certain way to live, but the kids never develop their own relationship with God. They rely on their parent's rules, and their parent's relationship with God, and then they grow up, and their parent's relationship with God will not hold them anymore. They flounder. I have definitley felt that way.

Something I have found, as a wife, is that it is easy to rely on my husband's relationship with God. Its easy to just say ok well He has a relationship with God, so I'm fine (ok well maybe not quite that simplified but you get the general picture). I know, that is so wrong. When I try to rely on His relationship, it puts so much pressure on Isaiah, and not only am I not getting what i should from God, but it hurts my relationship with Isaiah, and his relationship with God.

So here I am, saying that I am far from perfect. My relationship with God is far from perfect. But I need to work on not letting my busy life get before my relationship with my Savior. My Savior should be the most important Thing in my life. But ashamedly I say, sometimes He isn't.

I want to start making my Lord a priority. I want to make spending time with Him the most important thing in my life. I want my God to be first.

Need Some Help From My Readers

Lately I've been thinking a lot about homeschooling. As many of you know, I was homeschooled until college. It was an interesting experience, and definitely shaped who I am. We were not the family that you think about as "homeschooling". We interacted with others. We had a good education that prepared us for college. We did not wear khaki jumpers (not saying that those who wear khaki jumpers are bad). I am just saying I went through homeschooling and came out the other side.

Now I am studying to be a teacher myself. It has amazed me how much of a prejudice there is against homeschoolers. I know that it is a very touchy subject for many people. But I feel like I am coming from both sides. I went through homeschooling and yet I'm studying to be a teacher.

I also have a unique perspective because I have been all the way through it. I look back and see things that worked well, and things that didn't work so well for me. I have been thinking about an idea. I wanted to get some feedback from you all on it. What do you all think about having a homeschool blogathon? I was thinking about having some moms that homeschool write, and some ex homeschoolers write and all link up. And maybe have an opportunity to take questions from people. If anyone is interested in doing this with me, or would be interested in what would be said, let me know. I am trying to feel out and see if there is any interest in the blog world.

If anyone that has a blog would be interested in reposting this and helping me feel out interest, I would really appreciate it. Thanks!

Healthy and Beautiful

If you go back to my first blog post this year I said that I wanted to get healthy. So far this year I have done nothing but let myself go. I have had stress after stress and lots of excuses. I have gained weight. Its bad.

I hate the way I look. I know its not good to hate the way you look, but then some would say its not good to be content with yourself with you weigh as much as I do. So I guess no matter who I talk to, I'm not a winner. but I do hate myself. It got to the point that I don't want to go out because I'm thinking about what people are thinking about how much I weigh. I don't want to see any old friends because I wonder what they are thinking about the way I look.

I know that I may sound very self-centered, and that added to all the guilt and frustration I had. I felt that no one could love me because of my weight. It was exacerbated by the fact that people so many people started talking to me about the my weight. I know it was because they cared, but it felt like no one loved me for me.

I guess I felt like no one loved me just for my personality. I felt like if I didn't look the part, I wasn't good enough. This comes from many years of feeling fat, ugly and then hear I go, gaining weight. I just wanted to feel beautiful.

Thankfully I had Isaiah telling em I was beautiful even though I was overweight. I guess I didn't believe him. More than that, I wanted to believe that someone God had made me beautiful. I wanted to think that He loved me and had made me special. I felt like somehow He had made me beautiful and yet somehow I had messed it up and He didn't want to look at me.

I know the way I felt was wrong, but I promised to always be honest on here. So I will be honest. I still struggle with all this. Part of my resolution to get healthy was to see myself as beautiful, and I have to admit that I'm still working on that. I still feel ugly because I am overweight. I still hate the way I look. But I'm starting to accept that for some reason God made me not stick thin. He made it harder for me to lose weight. He didn't make me naturally thin, and that's ok. He made me beautiful to Him.

And I am starting to realize that I am beautiful to Isaiah. I am so thankful for a husband that sees me as beautiful no matter my weight. He tells me he thinks I'm still beautiful. I don't understand why he thinks I'm beautiful, but somehow he does.

So I'm still working through how I feel about myself, but today I started working out. I wanted to workout, and start feeling better. I hate how tired I am. I hate how I look. I don't want to lose weight through crash diets, or purging. I want to get healthy in a way that can be long term.

So I start working out. I start getting to a place that I can feel like I'm healthy and I'm happy with the way I look. I know I need to work out how I feel about the way I look.

So as you can see, I'm a work in progress. I haven't arrived. I am not perfect. I struggle, I gain weight. I'm imperfect. But I'm honest with you. I want to feel beautiful and accept myself.

Submission, LDD, Partnerships (and all kinds of things)

I recently heard about something called Loving Domestic Discipline (or LDD). I saw a comment on facebook about it and it made me want to learn more. LDD is where the husband disciplines his wife using spankings, and other ways of implementing pain for things on their wife. They do this in the same way many spank their children, for disobedience or failing to perform correctly. Also many do maintenance disciplening where they spank or punish the wife somehow at certain intervals to help keep her obedient.


I have to say, after learning about this I was greatly disturbed. LDD is presented as helping women be submissive to their husbands. If the women somehow disobey their husbands, or do not respect them, or are not submissive they are punished.


I am very much believe in wives being submissive to their husbands. I have always heard about marriage being a partnership, which it is. But in any good partnership there is a senior and a junior partner. The junior partner has a say in the desicions, and many times makes many of the day to day desicions, but when it comes down to making big desicions the junior partner knows that the senior partner makes the final desicions. 


In my marriage, Isaiah and I work together. There are times when we haven't agreed on a decision and I have to let him make it. Many times it works out much better, and he is able to see things I am not able to see. When I don't agree with him, I voice what I'm seeing, and feeling to him. He is great about listening to me, and taking what I say into advisement. Then he makes a decision. Yes, sometimes I don't agree and I have to give my feelings to God, but it always works out.


I have seen many marriages not do well when the wife tries to take over and be in control. There is no such thing as an equal partnership marriage, or I have never seen one. There will always be a senior and junior partner. Something I have noticed is that typically when the woman says there is an equal partnership, its typically the woman in charge. 


 I am not saying women are second rate to men. I am not giving up women kind or anything. I also know my opinion can be very uncomfortable and unpopular, but its what I believe.


But I wholeheartedly disagree with LDD. I can't even believe that a husband would want punish his wife like that. This idea demeans women because it makes it feel like they are not as good as men because they have to be punished and are not able to do what they need to do without a man punishing them. It tells women that they are not capable of making desicions.


But my basic issue is that it just seems like an excuse to beat women, without being looked down on. I feel that violence against women is cowardly. Isaiah has really taught me that men don't hurt women. He feels terrible even when he accidently bumps into me, and he has taught me that real men are that way. Even though many of the women say they want this LDD, I feel like a man that would agree to beat his wife is a coward, and not very secure in himself as a man.


The idea that a man would punish his wife for not doing her "work" at the home is something I struggle with also. I know that I have things I take care of around the house, but Isaiah is always there to help me. I can't imagine him handing a list of what he wanted done and knowing that when he got home I would be spanked because I didn't get it done. This does not breed a loving home, and does not create a sense of a partnership.


I feel that that this type of a marriage would breed fear and resentment towards my husband. I can't imagine fearing my husband getting home because he will punish me. My favorite part of everyday is when he walks in the door from work. I look forward to it all day, and thinking about him coming home to punish me makes me very sad. I can't even imagine this idea of Isaiah punishing me by spanking me.


As you can see, I hate this LDD idea, but I also hate any kind of violence against women. I think that abuse against women is terrible, and learning about this made me just mad. I know that submission and partnerships are not easy subjects, and there are many different opinions. 

I'm Not Superwoman

I have to admit, sometimes I think I am superwoman. I think I can take on the world, and handle everything. I know, you are laughing in front of your television screen. Have you ever thought you were superwoman (or man)? I tried to take on the world, and well everything kind of fell apart.

So this semester I thought I could take on all these crazy classes. I took on a lot of heavy homework classes. Even my professor said I was crazy to take all this on. I thought I could handle taking it all on. I thought I could keep up my classes, and decorate the house. I thought I could handle classes, life and everything else.

I thought I could handle everything on my own. I thought I was superwoman. Then God laughed. 

Things just started taking a turn for the worse. I found that I was paddling hard to keep up with my school work, but it was still manageable. The house was starting to slip, but Isaiah was helping. I thought I could handle it all. And again God laughed.

Then life started hitting the fan. Things with our family got a little crazy. I found that I was stressing about school, and life. I started drowning in school. I started getting very behind on my schoolwork, and I was constantly doing school. It was to the point I wasn't able to send time with my husband, or ever relax.

I finally hit bottom when I started pulling out chunks of hair, because of the stress. I wasn't sleeping at night. I was starting to realize I wasn't superwoman. I couldn't do it on my own. 

So I started praying. I was not sure what I could do. I felt like nothing could give. I felt like there was nothing I could give up, and there seemed to be no hope. I just finally gave it all to God and told Him, ok I'm not superwoman. I'm just human. I am not sure what I'm doing here, and I can only do it through You.

So after I gave it to God, I was still drowning. I still wasn't able to get it all done. Finally I just fell apart on Isaiah. Have any of you ever done that? Just totally fallen apart on your man?

So I fell apart and  after I calmed down some Isaiah helped me figure some things out. I had to come to the realization that I am not superwoman. I know right, an amazing idea. 

Then we realized that with everything going on in life, there is no way I could keep going with the amuont of school I had. I had to drop something. That completely tore me up. I had hoped that I would never have to leave a class. I felt like I was a complete failure because I had to drop the class. I just couldn't believe that I had dropped the ball. I was failing my classes, and there was no choice. I knew I couldn't keep everything up, but I also felt like I had totally failed. 

I dropped the class and I felt a huge sense of relief. I realized that its ok to admit you are not superwoman. I had to admit that I'm not perfect.

I realized I'm not superwoman, and honestly thats ok.

Fall is Here!

Its fall time. I am quite excited about the end of summer, and the start of fall. There are some exciting things happening with this time of year, and I wanted to post some of my favorite ones. 

1. Its not as hot! I live in Florida, which is a blessing, but during the summer just becomes brutal. Its the perfect time in Florida in which its 80 ish during the day and 70 ish. Its amazing, beautiful weather.

2. Pumpkin Spice Lattes are back at Starbucks! I always feel safe and cozy drinking one. 

3. Sweaters are in the stores. I love sweaters. I wish I could wear them all year. They are so cute, and so much fun to layer.

4. I love seeing pictures of leaves changing. Because I live in St. Petersburg, FL, leaves don't really change too much. I've never actually seen leaves changing in winter in person, but I love seeing pictures of leaves changing!

5. Pumpkins!!!! I love pumpkins! I love pumpkin pies, decorating with pumpkins and all kinds of things pumpkins. 

6. Football. Since I've gotten married I've gotten into college football, and now I enjoy it. I am an Auburn tiger fan!

7. Christmas is coming! Fall means that Christmas is around the corner, which is all kinds of exciting (this coming from the girl that thinks Thanksgiving is just a dress rehearsal for Christmas).

Fall is here. Right now, I needed something exciting to think about. What are some things about autumn that you love?

Remembering Faith

So right now is when I would have been due, if I had not had a miscarriage.Its been a rough journey. I am still going through it, and I'm not sure I will ever be fully done, but these months have been hard, and a time of great change.

And just  For those of you who have joined me since then you can find  The Day We Lost Faith. If you have never lost a child you cannot understand what it is like. The pain is hard, and it takes a while to work through. I'm not fully convinced you ever fully get through it, and it always stings.

So what have I learned since the miscarriage? I have learned that sometimes life just doesn't make sense. I love babies. I want children. I have greatly struggled to understand why God took away my baby, and gives babies to women who don't want them. Life just doesn't make sense.  But I also learned that when life doesn't make sense, and God's plan just does not make sense, all you can do is know that He has a plan, and that He is in control. I still don't understand why God took Faith away, and I'm realizing that its ok if you don't understand. But you can't lose faith.

I also learned that its ok to struggle with your faith in God. During that time I started studying my Bible and I realized that so many of the legends of faith struggled with their faith. They sometimes screamed at the sky "Why?" and felt like God had betrayed them. I felt so guilty for struggling with my faith, and feeling like I couldn't understand God. But realizing that its ok to struggle, and that God is still there to love you. And I slowly came to realize that God didn't take Faith away to hurt me somehow, or to torture, but because He loves me. I still can't understand why God took Faith, but I slowly realized that it was out of love. I don't know why, but I have faith that God will never do anything to hurt me (Jeremiah 29:11).

I learned that something like this is not something you get over quickly. I always got frustrated with people when they were still hurting a long time later, but I've realized that it takes time to work through something. Its not a few days and then you are fine. It takes a lot of time, and then sometimes certain things just trigger something.

I now am able to empathize with women who are having a hard time, and have lost children. I never had a stillborn, or had a child die after he has been living . I can't imagine what that is like. I feel like miscarriage is something we almost don't want to talk about. Its almost like women are ashamed of miscarriages. There are not many resources or information for women having a miscarriage. I've been amazed how hard it is to find information, support or resources about miscarriages. I really want there to work to help women not feel stigmatized by miscarriage, and be able to get the help they need.

I look at where my life is now, and realize how different it would be if we hadn't lost Faith. Soon after we lost her we got our cats, and we absolutely love them. I'm still in school, and for the first time, just relaxing and really enjoying my classes. I am so thankful that I'm in class and able to work towards becoming a teacher. I love where my life is right now.

So yes, I still struggle sometimes with loosing Faith. With this being the time that was the due date, its a reminder that we lost her. I have learned so much to through this, and have grown so much in my relationship with God.

Holiday Traditions

So our families are planning the holiday celebrations, and Isaiah and I are trying to figure out  what traditions we want to have, and how to mesh our families and all that fun stuff with being a new family. Things like Christmas is a huge thing for my family, and I love Christmas, and Isaiah's families big deal is Thanksgiving. How do we celebrate things and mesh our separate family traditions into a new Tamblingson family tradition set. 

We know that some members of our family will not agree with everything we do, or feel hurt that we are not including certain traditions, and dealing with that has been hard for me. I want to make everyone happy, but I am starting to realize (after a year plus of marriage) that you can't make everyone happy in both families, and you have to make a new family together.

I think its taken getting to this point for me to realize that its not just two families meshing together, its a new family being created. How do you balance two families coming together, and yet still make your own family? Does it get easier once you have kids? 

Ugh, I don't like all these questions. I am so thankful that we have family that wants to celebrate with us, and that have given us some great traditions. I love our families, and wouldn't want to change them. They have passed on some great traditions and holidays to us, and now we have to figure out how to bring everything together.

So right now we are trying to figure out what is us? Last year we tried to make things our own, but we were also just married and it was a crazy time so we didn't really create traditions as much. But this year I am hoping we can really create traditions for us as a family. 

I would love to hear from you all. How did you mesh your families into a new family? What traditions are important to you (this is for the non-married folks too)? What suggestions do you have?

When We Grow Up

I was talking to a friend (who happens to also be named Katie) that I knew when I was 7. We were in the same homeschool small group. We knew each other then, and reconnected lately. Tonight we were talking about something that has got me thinking.

We were both products of homeschooling, stay at home moms who stressed to us the need to be stay at home moms, but who also encouraged us to follow our dreams in school. We were talking about how our generation, as a whole, is in a dilemma right now. 

Our parents generation was basically a backlash against the hippy's sixities era. They focused on lots of work, and making money. Now our generation seems to be making a backlash against that idea. We are trying to figure out who we are and what we will do. Will we focus on money, as our parents tended to do, or will we focus more on things less easy to quantify? 

It seems we are more and more trying to figure out our own way. Compared to our parents, many more mothers are staying home with their children, foregoing a career to stay home. My generation has a huge focus on serving others and helping those less fortunate. We are, however, a very selfish generation. We are a generation trying to figure out what we want to do when we grow up.

This dilemma is very recognizable in girls like Katie and I. We were both raised by wonderful women who put their lives into homeschooling and raising a family. Our friends were, for a large part, other homeschooling children. We had wonderful examples of woman as wife and mother. We are also encouraged to follow our dreams. Some of us go to college and gain an education. Some of us intern and work. Some of us are involved in ministry. Some of us are preparing to follow our dreams as a homemaker.

So what will we do? Many of us really want to home-school our children, and follow in our mother's footsteps. Many of us can't wait to be wives and mothers. We have that yearning to follow in our mother's footsteps. Many of us, however, are also pursuing other interests. So what do we do? The generation of our parents, which most of our mother's went against, was greatly for a working mother. Our generation is more encouraging of stay at homes, and there are far more resources to help us home-school. But we are also putting all this time into our education, and wanting to change the world.

I am not saying that being a wife and mother is somehow less lofty than a career, or ministry. I believe that they are all lofty goals that God can call you too. As you know, I am a wife, and I can't wait to be a mother. But my generation, especially those of us that grew up home-schooled or with stay at home mothers are working through this.

If we do home-school, how will we do it? Our parents had a very strict idea of homeschooling. Many times it meant a home-school family looked, acted and learned a certain way. Home-schooling was diverse, but now it is so much more so. There is so much opportunity for home-school. I think that my generation also backlashed against the idea of "the perfect home-school family". After growing up, we had enough and realized we wanted something more. But what is that something more? Can we home-school? How will we home-school?

Some girls I know are totally going the opposite way. They want a career. They want to be different than their mothers. While others I know can't wait to be like their mother. So what will the girls of my generation choose? And if we do home-school how will we do? Will we be different than our mother's? When will we figure things out? 

What will we do when we grow up?

Legalism

Today I'm thinking about legalism. What exactly is legalism? I've heard so many different definitions, but none seem to quite cut it. It seems that everyone knows what it is, and can easily say "oh that's legalistic" but not many people can put a good definition on legalism.

Sometimes it seems that the word legalism is thrown around whenever someone's convictions are more stringent than your own. Its easy to dismiss a person as legalistic when you don't agree with their convictions, but when someone calls you legalistic about something you get up in arms. What is it about legalism that has us so up in arms?

The basic question I guess is what is legalism? Is it just a blanket word to throw around when someone happens to have stricter convictions than ours? Or does it mean something about how you gain salvation? Or does it mean something about "the spirit of the law" vs "the letter of the law"?

Dictionary.com defines legalism as "strict adherence, or the principle of strict adherence, to law or prescription, especially to the letter rather than the spirit." and "the doctrine that salvation is gained through goodworks"


But I'm not sure that fully captures legalism. I can see it working. I can see it in the person who refuses to be friends with someone because they do not have the same convictions. I can see it in the child who tattles on his siblings because he feels they are not following the rules set out exactly. I can see it in the person who talks about someone behind their back just because they feel that their convictions are not strict enough. I see it in the person who feels like they are closer to God because their convictions are different. 


I think the definition needs to be when someone uses their convictions as a standard for everyone else. 


I have to admit, I am definitely guilty of doing this. I have looked down my nose at other people just because our convictions on something were different. Its easy to do. Human nature wants to feel more important than other people. It wants to puff itself up.


I do want to say that not wanting to be legalistic does not give license to allow your brother to sin. If you see your brother in blatant sin, and lovingly talk to him, that is not legalism. Legalism is about convictions, not blatant sin.


Legalism is something that, when it rears its ugly head, can destroy churches, friends and families. It is directly linked to pride, and kills love. God calls us to love our Christian brothers and sisters, and in 1 Corinthians 13:8 God talks about love and what it is not.


"Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up,"


Love is not puffed up. That is exactly what happens when legalism starts. We get all puffed up in how good of a Christian we are, and lose love. How abhorrent of a thing legalism is. 


I know that I have to continually be on the watch for legalism. Its easy for it slowly creep up in my life, and drown my love for people. Its something that can easily happen and when it does, not harms my life, my relationship with God, and those I love.

A Terrible Wife

I am a bad wife. Ok its out there. I almost feel better now. I am a bad wife because I hate cleaning. I love baking, but I don't like to cook. I have a hard time keeping up with everything in the house, and my school. i feel like my school sometimes takes over. My husband has to help me with the house. And, on the final list of bad wife traits, sometimes I just get overwhelmed and totally fall apart and Isaiah has to pick her up off the floor. So there you go, I am a terrible wife.

I look at other wives, and their well kept homes, and their seeming put togetherness and I cringe.I feel like I am a terrible wife because I don't enjoy doing all this. I feel like I need to take a wife pill and become a better wife. I wish.

Ok Im done. I promise. Do any of you ever feel like that? I had these dreams of what I would be like as a wife, and they definitely have not come true. I am not sure if its because I am just busy with school, and trying to keep up with all that? Is it because I just don't like doing it? Is it because I just need to deal with it? Or is it because I'm a terrible wife?

I don't know. Sometimes I feel like the only wife who feels this way? Do any of you ever feel like a terrible wife? Do you ever feel like you can't keep up with everything in the house? Do you ever just cringe at the thought of cleaning the house again?

I would love any advice. I don't mean the advice just to work harder and deal with it. I mean some advice. I woud love to hear from someone who has felt this way and gotten through it.

Being Christian in College

All my life I have heard about how being Christian in college is tough. I have to admit I have never really understood how tough until this semester. I had taken other classes, and there have been things said that I didn't exactly agree with, but I have never been in a class where being Christian was considered so terrible. Its been a very eye opening thing.

I started college at a Christian private school. It was easy to be Christian there. Though we all didn't agree on everything, no teacher or student was attacking being Christian and it was easily accepted what you believe. There was no person attacking you or making you really think about what you believe. 

Then I went to a community college where basically the idea was the professors didn't care what you learned, as long as you got through the class. I got a small taste of anti-Christian ideas in the astronomy class I took when the professor said anyone who believed that a Higher Being created everything was just stupid. I had respectively, privately told him that I believed that God made everything, and that I disagree. When the semester started I had emailed him and told him where I stood, respectively. He was respectful, and nothing major happened. 

But now I am at USF. Don't get me wrong, I love USF, and I love the classes I am taking. I am really enjoying the classes I am taking, especially the two history classes I also an really enjoying the professor who is teaching both history classes. He is a great teacher, and really makes you think. 

This is the first time, however, that being a Christian has been very openly attacked, and mocked. Sometimes its someone saying something very negative against Christians, and sometimes its an undertone, which is much harder to respond to. 

I am naturally not the person who stands up and disagrees with the professor or says something in class about what I believe. I don't try to hide, but I also personally don't just stand up and do something. I am not saying people who do that are wrong, its just not me. I am willing to say this is how I feel personally to someone, or talk to a professor.

These classes are making me take a stand and say, "I am a Christian and I don't agree with that." It is so hard. I honestly get scared of what people will say, or that my professor will hurt my grade. I feel like God is letting me get my feet wet with these classes, in a professor who is open to hearing others opinions and won't persecute me for being a Christian, but it could be much worse.

I am having to say I am different, but am having to balance being willing to stand up as a Christian with also being approachable. I don't want people to feel like I"m so abrasive of a Christian that  they don't want to talk to me, because then what has my witness done? Its a thin line between standing up for the faith and making yourself so harsh and unapproachable that people do not want to be around you, and then what kind of witness do you have?

I know that other people would respond in other ways, and I honestly feel like God has gifted them with different ways to witness. I would much rather witness to someone through a relationship with them, and by letting them see how I am different, and bring Christ into what we are doing than stand on a street corner and preach. I am not saying that street preachers are bad, its just not how God gifted me to reach people. I also don't want to shy away from being willing to stand up and use that as a crutch.

Its hard to balance everything. I am honestly not good at it, and still not sure how to balance standing up for my beliefs, and also being open and loving towards people. Its been rough feeling like such a minority, and such a different person, from dressing modestly in skirts etc to praying before I eat to just not agreeing with the idea that Christians are wrong. But I know that God is using all this to teach me and to make me a better Christian. 

Giveaway Winner - Carissa's Silver Lining

I haven't died. I am here. I am have been having some computer issues which have kept me away, but I am thinking they are mostly fixed now and I can get back to blogging yay. Now for the Carissa's Silver Lining giveaway winner. There were 94 entries in the giveaway. Unfortunately I can only pick one. I am using random.org to pick the entries.

Before I pick I would like to say a big 'thank you' to Carissa for making this great giveaway possible. Her work is beautiful and amazing and I am so thrilled to be giving it to someone,

The winner is:

Katy-The Country Blossom

Her comment was #7. Congratulations. I have sent you an email and you must respond in 48 hours or I will pick another winner.

School Days......

Its that time of year again...... Its the time when the weather gets cooler , the leaves start changing, and everyone goes back to school. Ok well the real story is the weather is not cooler at all because well, we all go back to school in the middle of August. I live in Florida where the leaves are either green or dead, and they are only dead for about 2 months a year. I have never actually seen the leaves change, or been north when I hear they are so pretty during the Autumn. But everyone is back to school. Oh joy.

No I am excited to get back to school. I like having the structure and the assignments beyond the vague do the laundry and clean the house. I feel accomplished when I get assignments done. But I will say that I am not wanting to go back to school at the same time. I enjoy being home and not worrying about school too.

So Monday I start back to school, and so does Isaiah. For the first time, Isaiah and I will be going to the same school, though probably not at the same time. We are trying to get into the same class, but right now its looking like a slim chance.

I'm really excited to be taking mostly classes that have to do with my major. I have a few various random classes that I have to take, but those are ones that I'm kind of looking forward to honestly.

The HUGE downsize to starting school is that Isaiah starts back into his night classes. Very sad. It means that I don't get to see him much until the weekends, though if we can take the same class it will be a good thing. So for the next 4 months I won't see my husband, but I have to say that I am so thankful for the time I am with him. This summer has made me so thankful for the time we have together, and thankful that he doesn't have to travel all the time, or that he is gone. I get to see him every night, and wake up to him every morning. Its something that I sometimes take for granted.

Starting school back has made me think about stages of life a lot. You know, we are all in different stages of life. Sometimes its hard not to look at other people and want the stage of life that they are in. I think that is one of the biggest struggles with coveting that I have. I want to be in a stage of life that God put someone else in, instead of me. Do you ever feel that way? Sometimes its hard to just be content where I am at in my life right now. I want to jump forward or backward, but God does not design that for me right now. I know that God has a plan for my life. I don't know what those people whose stage I covet, struggle with. I can't see the things that God puts in their life. I need to be content with where God has me right now, which is just Isaiah, me and our two cats and us in school full time. That is the stage that God wants me to be in. Someday He will let me move to the next stage, but while I am in this stage, I need to learn all I can and appreciate all that God has blessed me with right now.

Making Our Home

Hi. Yes I am still alive. I know I have been totally out of the blogging world lately, but I am still alive. We are crazily trying to unpack right now, and clean up the old apartment. School starts next week and we are also getting everything ready for that.

I can't wait to post pictures, but I also want to get things a little more set up before I do. I can't tell you how wonderful it is to be in this place. I finally feel like I am at home. Our apartment never fully felt like home. It felt like a place we were living, but I never felt at home. It was always beyond messy and super cluttered. So many people would make comments about it that made me feel like trash. I hated the comments and the looks. It made me feel like I was a failure as a person. I was trying so hard to make it a home and it was not working.

This place feels like home. Its so wonderful. Its a feeling that I have felt only a few times in my life. My family moved around so much that I had a hard time letting myself feel like I could really feel at home anywhere. Then I moved so much after I left home and then the apartment. I really feel at home here. Its a wonderful feeling.

Our home is coming together. I have a lot of dreams and ideas for our new home, and I can't wait to act them out. Right now I am just unpacking and getting things together. I will post pictures once I have a few more things put together and a few more boxes unpacked.

The biggest thing that has to be done is to get some curtains. We had blinds that came with the old apartment, and so we didn't have to have curtains. Right now we have sheets, blankets etc tacked to the windows with thumbtacks until we can get some curtains put up.

I am so excited. I am so happy that I get to make this house a home. Its such a wonderful feeling to be working on making a home for my little family. I always feel complete when I'm working on the house. I have to say that I love making a little home.

Giveaway! - Carissas Silver Lining

This giveaway is now closed.

With all the moving, graduating and everything that has been going on lately, I know that blogging has been severely lacking, but I wanted to take a minute from my packing to post this awesome giveaway. I love giveaways; I love winning giveaways, but more than that I love hosting them!

I'm super excited about this giveaway. I know I say that with every giveaway, but I am really excited about this one. I met Carissa from Carissa's Silver Liningwhen I won a giveaway from her shop. I really loved her wire written necklace, and I had a vision for what I wanted. I emailed back and forth with Carissa and she made my vision a reality. Not many shop owners would be willing to customize something for you, and be super sweet about it.

Isn't it a great necklace? I wanted a necklace that reminded me to pray throughout everything. Carissa worked with me and made a necklace that says "pray". She even worked with me on what chain I wanted and what length I wanted. She was so great. 

I emailed her and asked her if she would be interested in doing a giveaway on Kady Did. I was super thrilled when she agreed to do it!! I think you will love her shop as much as I do.

I wanted to help you get to know Carissa and her shop so I asked her a few questions. Enjoy getting to know her better.....

1. What is the story behind your shop?
I love taking photographs and I love handmade things! One day I decided to take a few photos and make a few things, open a shop, and see if anyone else liked them. My husband came up with the name Carissa's Silver Lining. I loved it! I'm quite the pessimist so it's kind of a joke against me never being able to see the silver lining in things and a reminder to myself to always try to. 

2. Who inspires you in life?
I don't think I really have one person that inspires me but more a bunch of people. Anyone who is honest and genuine. And who strives to make the world a better place by doing something, no matter how small, for someone else! 

3. What is something you couldn't live without?
I don't think I could live without my sight. I am a huge visual person and it makes me happy to see beauty in the little things like the colors of the flowers in my garden, or stillness of the lake in the morning. 

4. What can be found in your shop?
I'm often trying new projects so some of the items in my shop can change from time to time. But you'll find photographs, jewellery, and other handmade items. 

5. What is your favorite thing to do in your free time?
I have a love/hate relationship with hiking. I hate how hard it can be. But I love the feeling when I get to the top or the end and realize it was totally worth it. We bring our dogs with us, I take a lot of pictures, and we find a geocache or two along the way. 

6. What is your favorite thing in your shop? 
That's a tough one. I won't sell anything I don't love. But if I had to chose one thing it would probably be the photograph called Enjoying the Sun. It's of a pink gerber daisy. 

7. Tell me one random thing about you, or your family or anything. 
My husband and I LOVE board games. We love to play them together, with other couples and friends, or at family gatherings. We currently have 15, but one day we hope to have a whole bookshelf full (we have half a book shelf now, so maybe one day a lot more!)

As you can see from various pictures I've posted her, her shop has all kinds of fun things, like the necklaces and the beautiful photography. The pictures are some of my favorite things in her shop. 

Now to the giveaway YAY Carissa has offered a #10 gift certificate to anything in her shop. How exciting is that? I would say I wish I could win this, but I did on another shop. 

The giveaway ends August 27. Please make sure your email is visible in your comment or blog. Also. make sure to post each entry as a separate comment to count as different entries. This giveaway is open to those in the United States (I'm sorry to those of who are international).

Mandatory Entry

1. Visit Carissa's Silver Lining and tell me your favorite item in her shop. 1 entry

Extra Entries

2. Follow my blog publicly on GFC. 1 entry

3. Heart Carissa's Silver Lining on etsy. 1 entry

4. Follow my blog via Networked Blogs. 1 entry

5. Follow Carissa's blog kissed a frog publicly. 1 entry

6. "Like" Carissa's Silver Lining on facebook. 1 entry

7. Blog/tweet/post on facebook/add to giveaway site etc. this giveaway. 1 entry per action

8. Vote for my blog on On The Fence (see below). 1 entry

So lots of ways to enter (my favorite kind of giveaway). Enjoy!

Moving

We are moving. YAY We are officially moving in one week and its so crazy around here. As you can see, the boxes are taking over the apartment. We are packing up everything. I'm so excited about moving, but there is so much to do. 

I don't know how we will get it all done in time, but we will. The rough part is my knee is all kinds of messed up and I can't really walk around so my poor, amazing husband is doing most of the work, and the cooking. I can't wait to start cooking. Anyway, I am doing all the packing I can sitting down aka the wrapping of the fragile stuff and the low cabinets and anything else I can find. 

So yes we are moving in a week. Because of that, blogging will be very limited for the next couple of weeks as we move and then get settled in, and I'm not sure about internet access either. So there you have it. We are moving. I can't wait. 

Dear Younger Me

My dear friend Abby at Tickled Pink and Fabulous wrote a letter to herself, and it greatly inspired me. You are supposed to write a letter looking back and giving advice that you wish you had known, or looking back.

Dear Younger Me,

*When all else fails, God does not. Even when it feels like He has forgotten you, He hasn't. Even when you have no clue what He is doing, He has a plan.

*Don't worry about what other people think.Its your life. All your life all you will work so hard to make everybody happy, and you can't. You work so hard to make everyone happy that it dictates everything you do, and you become super stressed and miserable. Try to not worry about it, and be willing to say no.

*Though you have some really rough situations, you will have a great life. You have a wonderful, loving family, an amazing husband and most of all, an awesome God.

*Be willing to let other people see your weaknesses. Realize that everyone has weaknesses, and you can show that you are weak.

*You don't have to hate the way you look so much. Just because you are not the "normal" beautiful, you don't have to hate yourself. You are not fat, like you think you are. Instead of hating your weight and your body all of your life, learn to be happy with the way God made you.

*You will find the love of your life. You will meet a man who perfectly completes you, and who God made for you. He will be more than anything you ever expected.

*The friends you thought were some of your best friends, aren't, and the people you never expected to be your close friends will turn out to be the ones who really care. Even though friends will come and go, your family and God never will.

*You will lose your first baby, Faith Elise, through a miscarriage. It will be one of the worse things you ever go through. Many people in your life will not understand what you are going through, but lean on those who do. God will show Himself in such a mighty way through that, and help you love others.

*You will change colleges three times in three years. It will be crazy, and you will be very frustrated, but you will have so many different experiences and it will be great.

*The first place you live once you are married will not be up to what you always dreamed. It will be messy, overly cluttered and just not what you expected. You will learn so much about being willing to be where God has you, loving your husband and not nagging and so many other lessons. Then God will reward you with an amazing house that is such a blessing.

*Most of all realize that no matter what happens, God never changes.

Love,
Katie

My Bucket List

I was talking to a friend this week about my bucket list. I realized that I have never actually written my bucket list. So I thought I would write it down, and then see how far I can come on it. I will add stuff to this list, but here is a start.

1. Spend a week in New York City. (note: I have been to NYC but I was young and did not appreciate it, so I want a redo)

2. Go on a cruise.

3. Go skiing not on a bunny slope.

4. Make a flan.

5. Be in a play, or serious skit.(like a skit which people practice for m ore than 5 minutes before its supposed to happen)

6. Visit Ellis Island/Statue of Liberty.

7. Take a trip to visit all of the major  historical sites in the South.

8. Read the dictionary straight through.

9. Read the Bible completely through in a year. (I start this basically every year and never finish)

10. Take a trip to Europe.

11. Visit Israel and take a trek through the Holy Land.

12. Try Nutella.

13. Help coordinate a wedding. A dream I have is to coordinate a wedding, or intern with a wedding coordinator.

14. Own a car.

15. Lay in a random meadow with wildflowers and have the wildflowers be so high it hides me.

16. Fly first class.

17. Work, or volunteer, in a museum.

18. Have a beta fish.

19. Live in an antique, 1900's esque house. (is antique the right word here? no clue)

20. Get a locket.

So this is not an exhaustive list. I did not include anything about starting a family, or having kids, because honestly that is something very different from this list. It is something I really want, but this list is just fun things.

I also did not add anything about my relationships with God, Isaiah or family because I feel like that is separate from this also.

Hope you enjoyed reading my list.

Deliciousness

I'm addicted to pinterest. Yes, its official I'm addicted. I have wanted to do a pinterest post for a while, but have not, so here is one. For those who don't know, pinterest is an site where yo can find pictures and share finds and ideas with other people. Its hard to describe, but its really fun. I have found all kinds of sewing ideas, and my favorite is ideas for my new home.

If you are on pinterest, and haven't added me yet, add me. If you would like an invitation to join, email or facebook me.

Today I am posting some fun, delicious food findings. I love food (as many of you know) and can't wait to try some of the things I found on here. Most of the food includes links for recipes to try.

Doesn't this lime cake look so delicious and wow?

For those of you not from the South or who have not had fried green tomatoes are truly missing out.

These Deep Dark Chocolate Cookies look heavenly, and contain no flour or butter.

A combination of two of the most amazing sweet things in the world. These Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Cheesecake Bars look awesome.

Ok so a little healthier, but who wouldn't want to try these Caramelized Bananas and Strawberry?

I love potatoes latkes, and these look easy.

Wow. That's all that's needed to describe this Ultimate Chocolate Chip Cookie 'n' Oreo Fudge Brownie Bar.

I love Snickers, and I can't wait to try this Snicker's Pie.

This post is probably not the best one to write when you are waiting for supper, and super hungry. I can't wait to try these, and other delicious finds on pinterest. Enjoy.

Graduation

I have posted about school and graduating, and Saturday I did. I graduate with my AA. It was a very good day. My wonderful father-in-law took tons of pictures.

My mother, little brother Joshua, baby sister Lydia, mother-in-law and father-in-law all came down to attend the graduation and then came to our apartment for lunch and spend some time at our place.

The person pronouncing the names got mine wrong and said Carolyn, instead of Kathryn. I stopped and was like "my name is not Carolyn, its Kathryn". Oh my.

Yay for getting my diploma, though the diploma is not actually in there. I can't wait to get the actual diploma.

After the graduation, I couldn't find my family. Finally I saw Isaiah. This is the moment we saw each other and hugged. I love this picture of us.

My mother-in-law

Me hugging my mom

Me with my in-laws. 

My mom, Joshua, Lydia and me 

My, Mom, Isaiah, Lydia and Joshua

This was my "its a polyester gown in the middle of summer, and Isaiah keeps messing with my tassel" look

I love my husband

My mother-in-law, me, my mom, and half of Joshua

Then we went and showed our parents the new house we are moving into in less than a month. I don't have pictures of the inside of house, but my father-in-law got some cute ones of us outside it.

The new house. Isn't it just so adorable?

Isaiah and I outside our new place. Sorry about the lighting. Its was super sunny.

Joshua and Lydia. Joshua really liked the two climbing trees in the front yard.