Friday, October 21, 2011

I'm Not Superwoman

I have to admit, sometimes I think I am superwoman. I think I can take on the world, and handle everything. I know, you are laughing in front of your television screen. Have you ever thought you were superwoman (or man)? I tried to take on the world, and well everything kind of fell apart.

So this semester I thought I could take on all these crazy classes. I took on a lot of heavy homework classes. Even my professor said I was crazy to take all this on. I thought I could handle taking it all on. I thought I could keep up my classes, and decorate the house. I thought I could handle classes, life and everything else.

I thought I could handle everything on my own. I thought I was superwoman. Then God laughed. 

Things just started taking a turn for the worse. I found that I was paddling hard to keep up with my school work, but it was still manageable. The house was starting to slip, but Isaiah was helping. I thought I could handle it all. And again God laughed.

Then life started hitting the fan. Things with our family got a little crazy. I found that I was stressing about school, and life. I started drowning in school. I started getting very behind on my schoolwork, and I was constantly doing school. It was to the point I wasn't able to send time with my husband, or ever relax.

I finally hit bottom when I started pulling out chunks of hair, because of the stress. I wasn't sleeping at night. I was starting to realize I wasn't superwoman. I couldn't do it on my own. 

So I started praying. I was not sure what I could do. I felt like nothing could give. I felt like there was nothing I could give up, and there seemed to be no hope. I just finally gave it all to God and told Him, ok I'm not superwoman. I'm just human. I am not sure what I'm doing here, and I can only do it through You.

So after I gave it to God, I was still drowning. I still wasn't able to get it all done. Finally I just fell apart on Isaiah. Have any of you ever done that? Just totally fallen apart on your man?

So I fell apart and  after I calmed down some Isaiah helped me figure some things out. I had to come to the realization that I am not superwoman. I know right, an amazing idea. 

Then we realized that with everything going on in life, there is no way I could keep going with the amuont of school I had. I had to drop something. That completely tore me up. I had hoped that I would never have to leave a class. I felt like I was a complete failure because I had to drop the class. I just couldn't believe that I had dropped the ball. I was failing my classes, and there was no choice. I knew I couldn't keep everything up, but I also felt like I had totally failed. 

I dropped the class and I felt a huge sense of relief. I realized that its ok to admit you are not superwoman. I had to admit that I'm not perfect.

I realized I'm not superwoman, and honestly thats ok.

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