Post-Surgery Update

I want to start this post out by saying how much both Isaiah and I appreciate all the love and support we have gotten through this very rough time in our lives. So many people have come up beside us and prayed and loved on us through everything. We really can't thank you enough. Your love and support have really encouraged us. 

I cannot believe that one month ago I thought I was pregnant. One month ago I was so happy. One month ago my life was completely different. I feel like I have lived an entire lifetime in one month. I have gone from one of the highest, happiest times of my life, to one of the lowest and scariest times of my life in a few short weeks. I feel like I have felt every emotion known to man.

I wish I could say that through everything, and all the emotions all I have felt towards God is thankful and worshipful, but I honestly have struggled with all that also. I have had days where I am just in awe of Him, and praise Him for whatever He is doing in my life, and other days where I am just frustrated and almost angry at Him for not only taking my baby away, but also allowing me to go through all this with my health. I know its not the good Christian thing to say, but its the honest Christian thing to say. I have struggled with understanding, though I have come to realize that many of the great people in the Bible struggled with many of the same emotions, and yet God holds them up to us as examples. 

I keep thinking of Jacob. Like Jacob I am wrestling with God. I am wrestling with Him and not understanding Him. But when you read the story of Jacob and the wrestling, when he wrestled with God is when He got closer with God and God became an intimate part of His life. I can say that through all my wrestling, that I have drawn closer to God, and allowed Him to be more of a part in my life. I don't understand why He is allowing this, but I know that He has never left my side. I feel like I'm caught up in this hurricane (I"m from Florida so I understand hurricanes) of crazy emotions, bad news about my health, and physical ailments and all I can cling to is God.

I will admit I have been somewhat discouraged this week. It feels like we are never getting good news through everything. It feels almost like every time there is "well worst case is ...." its always the worst case. I have to admit I've cried to Isaiah, texted my sister in law in tears, and called my mom just needing some encouragement. My family has been such a help in helping me to stay strong when I need it. God gives them all just the words to say, when I need to hear them. 

Physically I am still struggling. My body is just physically worn out. Its not like I'm sleepy tired, its just feeling like my body is physically exhausted of all its been through. I am not able to do much at all.  I am still constantly throwing up, and nauseas. We think its honeslty worse than before the surgery. The good news is that I'm losing weight, but not in a healthy way. I'm barely eating, and most of the time when I do eat I throw it back up. The doctor is not sure why I am still so sick, and said that should be happening.

The doctor is also saying that there is a very big chance I will have to have a second surgery to remove my ovary. This second surgery will be much more intense than the first one was. We won't know for sure until at least after my first doctors visit (which is in a week) maybe not for a few weeks after that. 

Thankfully the very intense pain is mostly gone. I only have pain when I lay in a certain position or stay in one position too long. That has been one good sign.

So please keep praying for me and Isaiah. All this has been rough on him also. We are still facing a lot of uncertainty about what will happen next, and even what is still happening to my body. It doesn't seem to be over, but I know that God is my Healer. I am claiming that and believing it. I know that He can choose to miraculously heal me, or heal me through doctors. I also believe in James 5:16 "...pray for one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual prayer of a righteous man availeth much." 

Thank you for all your prayer, love and support. Isaiah and I greatly appreciate it. 

An Update on Me, and What I'm Learning about God

Hello dear readers. Wow how fast life can change in one month. It was less than a month ago that I announced I was pregnant. I look back over this month and feel kind of like its been a lifetime in one short month. Anyway, one month ago I announced I was pregnant ( a little less but you get the picture). Then I found out that I wasn't pregnant, and something was wrong with me, and they had no clue what it was. Then I found out that I miscarried and got a very bad infection.

Because of the infection I started an intense round of antibiotics, which the doctor hoped would basically take care of the infection and that would be the end of it. The doctor did say that if the antibiotics didn't work that I would have to have surgery. So I rested, took my antibiotics and hoped and prayed to get better.

Well, I didn't. I found out that the antibiotics did not work, and surgery is the next option. The doctor considered it serious enough that I have to have surgery tomorrow, as in Wednesday, as in yeah wow.

Right now I am just reeling. The only surgery I have ever had is my wisdom teeth taken out. I am struggling with feeling really scared, and confused honestly. I know that Christians go through hard times, at least I said I know that. But when this all happened to me, its like somehow my heart didn't know it. I struggled so much with why would God not only make me miscarry, again, but then make me sick to the point of having to have surgery.

Honestly for over a week I was just numb. I didn't feel anything for a while. I kind of just lived. My husband kept saying that something would just trigger all the emotions, and then I could finally start working through things. And of course that is what happened (wow he is so smart).

I saw something and all of a sudden, I felt, well everything at once. Honestly the pain was so intense that I just didn't know what to do. I started to feel, and it was not pleasant. I swung between just sad about the loss of my baby, being angry with God for doing this, wondering if being a Christian was even worth it, and just confusion as to why all this was happening.

 I have to say writing this is not easy. I hate admitting my failings, especially in this way. I hate admitting to you that I questioned even something so basic to me as my faith in God. I also worry that someone will take it and just roll their eyes and think I am being over-dramatic. Well, that is how I felt, and I promised you all I would be completely honest with you, my dear readers. So there is me, being honest.

Anyway, I was feeling completely, well emotional. I just wasn't sure how to handle all my emotions, and everything that was going. Then two things happened that really helped me and helped me have a peace from God about the whole situation. First the song Stronger by Mandisa came on the radio. It really helped me to see that this is God making me stronger, and God is in control.

Then a dear friend sent me an encouraging note that really helped. She sent me the verses Psalms 16:8-9, which of course, was exactly what I needed to hear.

"I have set the LORD always before me: because he is at my right hand, I shall not be moved.Therefore my heart is glad, and my glory rejoiceth: my flesh also shall rest in hope."

These verses really helped me to see that God is with me, I don't need to worry, be scared. I will be ok. He is in control. Then I was doing some reading on my own and came across Psalms 121, 

"I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help. My help cometh from the LORD, which made heaven and earth. He will not suffer thy foot to be moved: he that keepeth thee will not slumber. Behold, he that keepeth Israel shall neither slumber nor sleep. The LORD is thy keeper: the LORD is thy shade upon thy right hand. The sun shall not smite thee by day, nor the moon by night. The LORD shall preserve thee from all evil: he shall preserve thy soul.The LORD shall preserve thy going out and thy coming in from this time forth, and even for evermore."

These verses really spoke to me about my God, the Creator of the world, the Lord of the universe, who is watching over me, and already knows what the outcome of all this is. He hasn't thrown me, and those I love, in this situation just to torture us; He put us in the situation out of love 

So tomorrow I go into surgery. I have to admit I still have some trepidation and am a little scared. But I know that my God is in control. I know that He already knows the outcome of my surgery, and this situation and He will hold me through it all.

Find in Me Thine All in All

Today I have been fretting. Some things where wearing heavy on my heart, and I was worrying and upset. I even called my husband at work and started crying at one point. I was a mess. I was fretting and well just a wreck. My husband (he is so wise) told me to stop what I was doing, rest quietly, turn on some soothing music and rest in God. Well wouldn't you know, I did and it started working? (funny how things work out when I listen to my husband)

I have a pandora channel for soothing old hymns, and when I'm stressed and upset I put it on and rest in my Savior. I put it on and started praying that God would work out what I was fretting about. A peace just washed over me. Yes, the situation was still there, but I wasn't worried about it. I know that God had it under control. My soul found peace in my Lord; He is in control and my worrying does nothing.

Then the song Jesus Paid It All came on and the first verse was exactly what I needed to hear.
 "I hear the Savior say,
'Thy strength indeed is small;
Child of weakness, watch and pray,
Find in Me thine all in all.'"

Wow! Isn't that perfect? Yes my strength is so small! When I lean on my own understanding, and my own strength I quickly crumple. Life just falls apart when I try to work in my own strength. When I finally gave the situation to God, I realized that I don't have to face it alone. I don't have to face life on my own strength. Because I am a Christian, I don't face life without hope, or alone, I face it with the Creator of the universe! 

When I look to myself for strength, I fail. I fall apart. I fret, but when I look to my God for my all in all, then I can face anything. I'm not saying its always easy. And I'm not saying life with Christ is always easy, but I am saying that I have a strength that is not my own. 

I know that my strength, in and of myself, is small. I know that when I look to myself I am weak. But I know that the Savior of the world has more than enough strength for me to lean on. And when I find my all in all in Him, I am at peace.

Random Thoughts About Serving God

Something I'm really thinking about is how much do I share my convictions and beliefs. How much do I say "hey, this is what I believe." or how much do I just let my actions show my beliefs? Its something that I think everyone needs to work through in their own  way. 

I knew someone that was constantly sharing his beliefs, you can't meet him without hearing about his faith. He preaches on the street corners, and he is so open. But then I know people that completely do not share their faith at all. They just say that God will work through them, but then they act no differently than anyone else, and you can't tell the difference.

Along with this, how do you balance showing the love of God with saying, ok this is my standard and I want to not be tainted by the world. How do you stay out of the world, but take Jesus' example and be loving to people that are obviously sinners? 

Honestly, I don't have the answer. I mean to me, I think that my faith is such an integral part of my life. You just look at me and I'm obviously different. I wear long skirts, modest shirts and I have very long hair. But then I want to not just look at me and then my testimony stop, but I want my actions to show Christ, His love and His power. 

I have to admit that I need to do a better job of making sure that my God is the focal point of my life. I dont want it to be something that is just a part of my life, I want it to be the thing that guides my life. I want everything to do to praise the Lord. 

 

Something I see so much of is people feeling like they have to follow certain rules to earn God's salvation and favor. I think this is so wrong. This changes the revelations from the Word of God and the convictions that He gives and makes them something that becomes like a prison and pressure. It saddens me so much because my beliefs and the revelations that I have don't mean that I'm in a prison. It makes me happy to follow them because is my way of showing God that I love him. Its like making supper for my husband or getting him a special present. I don't do it because I have to follow some rules to earn favors and salvation, I do it to show my love.

I want God to be the thing that my life wraps around. I want to people see how much joy serving God puts in my life. I want them to see that loving God and serving Him has changed my life and continues to change my life I want people to see that.

But how hard is it balance everything in my Christian life. I think that I've come to the conclusion that I'm going to live in the way that serves my God, and the way He has shown me. God will take care of how people see what I do, and how my testimony gets across. I started to realize that it isn't my job to make sure people get the right idea, its His job. As long as I'm living my life the way He has shown me, and showing Him how much He means to me, than He will have to worry about all his other creation and how they view me.

Feeling Insecure

Preface: I would like to say that this has been one of the hardest, and most soul opening posts I've done. I always say that I'm going to be totally honest on here, and sometimes that is hard. I really wonder if anyone cares. But I pray that what I write helps at least one person. I know that writing it helps me work through things. So please, as you are reading this, don't judge me, or preach to me. I wrote this from my heart. I hope it helps someone out there. 

I have a confession. I've been really struggling with feeling super insecure about a lot of things. I am feeling insecure about how I look, how my life is, and just basically everything in my life. Have you ever felt like that? Have you ever been insecure? I think that I can safely say that all women, at some point in their lives, have been insecure at some point. 

I think the worse time of insecurity is when you are in middle school, and some of high school. I was so insecure in those years. I felt like a total screw up in so many ways. I felt so fat, and so bad about so many things. I felt like I was not good at school, and not good at keeping things together, and just not good at life. I had so many people tell me that it looked like I had everything together and all, but honestly all the way through high school, I felt like I was totally falling apart inside. I hated the way I looked, I hated my personality, I even hated the way I dressed. I was a total mess inside, and trying very hard to make everyone around me think I had everything together. 

As I got older, I will say, I got a little better. I met a man who thinks I'm gorgeous, and tells me that all the time. I got closer to God and started to realize that it only matters to be true to the person God made me, and care what He thinks. 

I would love to say that I have everything together. I would love to say that I'm totally secure in who I am, and that I totally don't ever compare myself to other women. I totally believe that God made me perfect and that I don't dislike any part of my body, and I believe that not only in my head, but in my heart. Wasn't that funny? Ok I know. That is totally not how I am.

I still get super insecure about myself. I can not stand the way I look sometimes. I can not stand my personality sometimes. I still feel like I'm falling apart on the inside and try very hard to not let anyone see it. I look at other women, and what they have and covet it. I compare myself and find myself lacking. I am not saying this is the right way to be, but I always promise to be honest, so there it is.

So I get insecure, so I start talking non stop about something, right now its school. I feel like I've been ruining some relationships, and hurting some, because all I talk about is school. To any of you reading this to which this has been the case, I am truly sorry. I do it because I am so insecure about many things, and my coping mechanism is to just focus on one thing and work really, really hard to be perfect at it so I don't feel like a total failure.

I also totally shut down on relationships because I feel like no one would want to be friends with me. I shut down and don't want to be talk, or be with anyone. I feel so fat and ugly that I'm embarrassed to be around anyone and have them look at me. Its a vicious cycle.

I am sorry if, while I have been going through this, I have hurt or upset anyone. Its my fault, and I am sorry. I am finally starting to get to the place where I am working through things right now. I am trying to spend more time with God, and instead of comparing myself to other women, I am trying to see myself through God's eyes.

I have to say that insecurity is something that I have always struggled with, and I'm praying that I work through it. I am trying to see myself, not as a failure, but as a work in progress. No, I'm no where near perfect. I know that. But God is working on me. 

I also need to see my looks as through Go's eyes. and be more confident in myself. No, I'm not 100 pounds, blonde with a size 2 waist, but I am beautiful. Ok, I still struggle to see the anything beautiful about myself, but I want to work to see myself as beautiful in the way God made me. 

Sometimes I wonder if I am the only one who gets insecure. But then I heard a quote that helped me to see that I am not the only one, "Every women, whether she is sixteen or sixty, still has that awkward insecure self-conscious teenager inside her.""

Is it true? I am the only one who struggles you feel less insecure? Does anyone have a specific verse that helps with being insecure? Do you have something that helps you? 

Life Right Now

I know that I have not been posting much lately, but honestly life has been happening and sitting down and posting to the blog has taken a back seat. It probably will for about two weeks still. I have two weeks left of classes and then I am done with my AA. I'm so excited! But the next two weeks will be absolutely killer. I wish I could post a picture of my school planner. There are like three things due each day, and I'm behind. Oh joy. But I just keep thinking about my graduation and then about having a month off. I can't wait.

I'm just struggling with keeping everything going. Its a real struggle to keep the house together and take killer classes. I am totally failing right now. Honestly all I want to do is sew, sew and sew. Have you ever felt like that? You just wanted to let the house fall apart and the dishes pile up and the food not get cooked and just quit? I know its not the right attitude but its a struggle right now. I feel like with school and housework something always has to give, not to mention trying to tack on keeping up a relationship with my husband.

I guess that this part of life, but it seems like I'm on this never ending treadmill that is the dishes, the laundry, cleaning and homework. As soon as one thing gets done than another has built up. The laundry right now is overflowing.

I know that this is just a time in my life and that someday having all this homework will pass, though the housework will not. I am so thankful for a husband who has been so helpful in picking up on the things that slip. He is truly a wonderful man.

So what is God showing me through this? Well that I can only rely on Him. I need to put a top priority on my relationship with Him and then on my relationship with my husband. Something I've been thinking a lot about lately is about things lasting. When I look back on my life what will I remember that matters? Will I remember that the laundry was always perfectly done? Will I remember that my husband had a homecooked meal every day of his life? Or will I remember the time I spent with my husband? Will I remember the fact that I worked hard and finished school? Will I remember most of all that I spent time with my Lord?

Its something that God has really been teaching me. Instead of looking at all I have to do, I need to look at the long term (and even eternal) significance of what I am doing. I always wonder if when I am at the end of my life, what will I look back on and be glad that I did and what will I look back on and wish that I hadn't spent so much time on. Would I wish that I had stopped and just talked to my husband and not worried about all the housework?

Of course I am not saying that I am going to let the house totally go down hill and just not care, because that is not what God would want, but I am saying that maybe I shouldn't worry as much about things that don't matter as much as spending time with my husband and with my God.

Happenings in the Tamblingson Household

I know I haven't been posting much lately, but honestly life has been so crazy. But on this lazy Friday night while the husband is playing with a cat, and on his computer, I thought I would share some of my life.

So big news, you know how a while ago I said I wanted an iphone. Well Isaiah surprised me after he got off work and placed one in my hands. He figured it out (I still don't get how) that to get an iphone, and go on his plan (yeah we were still on separate plans) and get an iphone for me. So I'm super excited. I've had so much fun tonight playing around with it. I'm looking for good apps, so if you have a must have app, let me know.

But bigger thing is that we are moving in August to a bona fide house!!! I have been dreaming of this for a long time. You know how a lot of girls dream of their weddings all of their lives? Well I dreamed of my first house. We live in a one bedroom apartment. When we first got married I got so overwhelmed with trying to decorate it that I failed and just haven't redone it so its a total wreck. But now I get to start over and now I have a better idea of how not to ruin it and I can start afresh.

Its a total God thing how this happened. We had wanted to move to a house since we got married. We thought it was would work out. Then I was looking at our finances and realized there is no way we could afford it. I got really discouraged but then thought well we can move to a two bedroom apartment and that will work. Isaiah met with the leasing office and they told him that the prices of apartments. To stay in our apartment we are in now, the price would be raised drastically, and a two bedroom would be out of the question.

I had given it all to God and really was content with whatever. It was something I had really struggled with all year, especially when other women would come over and say my house was terrible looking and how could I live here. It was a real struggle for me. It was a real test in loving my husband and not getting frustrated over his mess, and not nagging. And a lesson in not caring so much what other people thought about things. As a woman, that is a hard lesson to learn.

Anyway, I had given it to God, though I really didn't want to stay here. We realized there was no way we could move, and even to stay where we were would be very difficult. Isaiah was going to have to ask for a raise, and it would be really, really rough. We figured all this out Monday. I was so upset, but I knew God was in control and had an unexplainable peace about it all.

Before all this my mom had reminded me that my grandmother had left a little money in a trust that I could get when I enter my junior year of college. She talked to the person in charge of the trust and called me Tuesday. Turns out the trust would cover some housing expenses. I was really excited. I talked to the person and we figured out that with the trust we could rent a house!

We so knew it was God working all this out. So Wednesday night, after Isaiah got out of school, we drove around our area. We only had one person we actually got in touch with, who owned this adorable little yellow house. They set up a time to meet us today. We looked at it today and it is so cute, and seems perfect for us for right now. We haven't made the final decision, but unless something else comes around that we can see God is really wanting more, this will be it.

Its one of those things that you can clearly see God working. I went from we may not even afford the place we are at, to now we can get an adorable sweet house. WOW

I am getting all kinds of fun decorating ideas. I will probably post them in the next few days. I can't wait to share them with you all.

Glorious Day

A while ago that false prophet told everyone that the rapture would happen on May 21. I felt so bad for the people that got ready for it, and sold all their belongings and all and thought it would happen that day. But it did make me think about that glorious day when we will see our Lord. What a day.

I love my life, and my husband. Every day I get to bask in the love my husband showers on me, but when I get to be in God's presence it will be so much better. I get to just bask in God's presence. I cannot wait for that. Ever had one of those awesome worship services where you just feel God and know He is there? It will like a continuous one, but way better. I cannot wait for that day.

But looking at all those people it did make me reevaluate my life and think about how am I getting ready for Him? Those people did everything to get ready. They got rid of material items, and were ready for when they though Christ would take them away. Now, I read about some of them like going to Disney World and maxing out their credit cards to get ready, and I'm not espousing that. But I am saying, that we should be ready for Him to take us. We never know when He will require us to come to Him and leave this world, and we should live every minute like its our last one.

Just thinking about being in the presence of my Savior really makes me excited, but then I think about how every day I live in His presence. He is here with me. He is with me every day and wants me to worship Him constantly. I don't have to wait for the rapture, or to die to feel Him and to live in His presence. I can have that every time I play some worship music and just stop what I'm doing worship. I can do it every time I'm working and just stop to pray and talk to God. I can do it when I do my quiet time right before bed and I read all about His greatness. I do not have to wait to worship and enjoy Him until I die or rapture, I can do it right here, right now. I want to live my life enjoying Him.

I have to say that I don't do a very good job of living my life in enjoyment and service to Him. Stuff just happens. It seems like at the end of the day I get to it and life just took over. Homework eats me alive, or housework or something and I realize that I did not spend enough of my time just focusing on my God. I am not saying you should become someone who neglects everything to just sit around worshiping God, because all the things you do can be part of your service to Him. I am saying that sometimes I need to stop and just worship Him. I need to stop housework and facebook and homework and everything else that distracts me and just focus on my Savior who loves me so much and yearns for time with me.

I want to spend more time thinking about my Savior and getting ready for that glorious day. But for now, I just want to serve and worship Him with everything that I am.

I wanted to post a song about this, and one that I love to just stop and worship God with. Its really a great song that just begs to have you stop everything you are doing and just worship our amazing God. Do you have a specific song that makes you just stop and worship? Do you do anything special to remind yourself of that day and our God? I am always looking for new ways to serve God and focus on Him, and if you have one I would really like to hear it!

Today, try to spend a few minutes just worshiping and thinking about that glorious day, and our amazing God.

Thinking About Who God Is

Yesterday during service I got super convicted about something. We were singing a song all about who God is and His attributes and it hit me. Lately, all I think about is myself. All I think about is how God can help me, and what is He doing to serve me. Wow, what a wrong way of thinking. God was not made to serve me, He created me to serve Him. I had things all kinds of mixed up. Lately all I an think about is myself and its so wrong. Instead of thinking about myself and how God can serve me, I need to be thinking about God and how I can live my life to serve Him. I wanted to spend some time thinking about who God is, and His attributes. I wanted to post some attributes for you to read. This list is not of my creation, though I did edit it some, but you can find it here.

God is Jehovah. This means "I am I AM"

God is Jehovah-M’Kaddesh. This name means “the God who sanctifies.”

God is infinite.

God is omnipotent. God has all power.


God is good.

God is love.

God is Jehovah-jireh. This name means “the God who provides.”

God is Jehovah-shalom. This name means “the God of peace.”

God is immutable. God cannot change.

God is transcendent.

God is just.

God is holy.

God is Jehovah-rophe. 

God is omniscient. God is all knowning.

God is omnipresent. God is everywhere.


God is merciful.

God is sovereign.


God is Jehovah-nissi. This name means “God our banner.” \

God is wise.

God is faithful. 

God is full of grace.


 God is our Comforter.


God is El-Shaddai. This name means “God Almighty.”

God is Adonai. This name means “Master” or “Lord.”

God is Elohim. This name means “Strength” or “Power.”

I wanted to post some songs about God and songs that have helped me think more about God, and not myself. They are all about God and who He is. 

Let's Get Excited!

Church on Sunday was amazing. I could write a weeks worth of posts about what I got out of it, and what I learned. It was a real revival. Sunday morning service was amazing. After the sermon, the altar was four and five people thick. Over a quarter of the congregation were at the altar. It was so moving. The visiting preacher really preached his heart out. It was one of those services you remember your whole life.

Sunday evening service was moving, but in a different way. The preacher preached on getting excited about God. It really convicted me.

How many times have I sat in church and thought about all kinds of things that were not about church? How many times have I woken up on a Sunday morning and not wanted to go to church? How many times have I spent times have I talked about God in a way that was boring?

I can't count how many times I've gone to church basically dreading it. I've gone just hoping to get through the day, or wanting to get through service just so I can talk to my friends. But how many times have I been excited about an Auburn football game, or going to hang out with my friends? 

How convicting it is to think that I'm more excited to go to Starbucks with my friend than worshiping my God! I want to be like David who was so excited to worship God that he danced around the ark. I don't want to be like Michal who looked in scorn on David's worship. 2 Samuel 6:13-23

I want to be excited about God. I want people to see how excited I am about my Savior. Its an exciting thing to serve Him. Its an exciting thing to worship Him. Its an exciting thing to follow the plan He has for my life. Its an exciting thing to love Him.

Another thing that the pastor talked about in his sermon, that really hit home, was that children will mimic the worship and excitement about God that their parents have. I can see that in my life. I have seen families where the parents do not act excited about God. They act like worshiping God is a chore to be done. In those families, you can watch the children and quite a few of them have fallen away from the faith or don't have a good relationship with God. Then I see those families who parents have an excitement about God and their families and the children are close with God. I am not saying that all children that fall away from the faith are caused by parent's not be excited about God, or that children whose parents aren't excited about God can't be excited. I am just saying that I can see a correlation in my life.

I want my children to see my worship of God and want that. I want my children to get excited about God because they see Isaiah and mine worship and excitement of God. 

Worshiping God should be the highlight of my life. It should be the thing I get the most excited about. I should get ecstatic about the chance to go to church, read my Bible, pray and all other acts of worship. Everyone around me should see that worshiping God is the highlight of my life and want to learn more.

What I'm Learning

I wanted to share some things I'm learning right now. I can't say its anything profound, but its what God is teaching me right now. 

First of all, I am learning to wait on His timing. So many things I want right now. I want to to be done with school, and now it seems like it may be longer than I thought before. I want to be done and move on with my life. I don't feel like a college student. I mean I am married, and settled into life. Its hard sometimes still being a student. Another thing is kids. I love kids and I can't wait to start a family. But on those, and other things, right now God is saying wait. I have to say I don't wait well. I have never been patient. And for God to say wait on these things and just trust is hard. Its hard because right now it feels like my life is so up in the air and its hard to just put my trust in God and know that He has everything under control. Its hard to trust Him and know that His timing is best and that I need to just relax and go with His plan. 

Another thing I'm learning right now is that my identity has to be in Christ. I've been struggling with who am I. Am I a wife, a student or what? But I was talking to Isaiah and he was saying that it doesn't matter, because I am who I am, and my identity is in Christ. I am His, the rest of my identity does not matter as much. That really made me think. All my life my identity had been wrapped up in my school, or my relationship, but that is wrong. My identity needs to be in my God. 

Finally, God's shown me what a support system I have. Since my miscarriage so many people have come up beside me and talked to me. Most of my life I've been very closed off. Its how I was raised. Its like you can't let them see you fall. But I realized that its ok. Most people understand and are there to help. Its ok to let others see you struggle. And maybe it will help them when they have a struggle. 

So that's my life. Or what I'm learning in my life. Its a wonderfuf life and I am so glad that God is still teaching me and growing me, even though that growing process is not always easy.