Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Submission, LDD, Partnerships (and all kinds of things)

I recently heard about something called Loving Domestic Discipline (or LDD). I saw a comment on facebook about it and it made me want to learn more. LDD is where the husband disciplines his wife using spankings, and other ways of implementing pain for things on their wife. They do this in the same way many spank their children, for disobedience or failing to perform correctly. Also many do maintenance disciplening where they spank or punish the wife somehow at certain intervals to help keep her obedient.

I have to say, after learning about this I was greatly disturbed. LDD is presented as helping women be submissive to their husbands. If the women somehow disobey their husbands, or do not respect them, or are not submissive they are punished.

I am very much believe in wives being submissive to their husbands. I have always heard about marriage being a partnership, which it is. But in any good partnership there is a senior and a junior partner. The junior partner has a say in the desicions, and many times makes many of the day to day desicions, but when it comes down to making big desicions the junior partner knows that the senior partner makes the final desicions. 

In my marriage, Isaiah and I work together. There are times when we haven't agreed on a decision and I have to let him make it. Many times it works out much better, and he is able to see things I am not able to see. When I don't agree with him, I voice what I'm seeing, and feeling to him. He is great about listening to me, and taking what I say into advisement. Then he makes a decision. Yes, sometimes I don't agree and I have to give my feelings to God, but it always works out.

I have seen many marriages not do well when the wife tries to take over and be in control. There is no such thing as an equal partnership marriage, or I have never seen one. There will always be a senior and junior partner. Something I have noticed is that typically when the woman says there is an equal partnership, its typically the woman in charge. 

 I am not saying women are second rate to men. I am not giving up women kind or anything. I also know my opinion can be very uncomfortable and unpopular, but its what I believe.

But I wholeheartedly disagree with LDD. I can't even believe that a husband would want punish his wife like that. This idea demeans women because it makes it feel like they are not as good as men because they have to be punished and are not able to do what they need to do without a man punishing them. It tells women that they are not capable of making desicions.

But my basic issue is that it just seems like an excuse to beat women, without being looked down on. I feel that violence against women is cowardly. Isaiah has really taught me that men don't hurt women. He feels terrible even when he accidently bumps into me, and he has taught me that real men are that way. Even though many of the women say they want this LDD, I feel like a man that would agree to beat his wife is a coward, and not very secure in himself as a man.

The idea that a man would punish his wife for not doing her "work" at the home is something I struggle with also. I know that I have things I take care of around the house, but Isaiah is always there to help me. I can't imagine him handing a list of what he wanted done and knowing that when he got home I would be spanked because I didn't get it done. This does not breed a loving home, and does not create a sense of a partnership.

I feel that that this type of a marriage would breed fear and resentment towards my husband. I can't imagine fearing my husband getting home because he will punish me. My favorite part of everyday is when he walks in the door from work. I look forward to it all day, and thinking about him coming home to punish me makes me very sad. I can't even imagine this idea of Isaiah punishing me by spanking me.

As you can see, I hate this LDD idea, but I also hate any kind of violence against women. I think that abuse against women is terrible, and learning about this made me just mad. I know that submission and partnerships are not easy subjects, and there are many different opinions. 

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