Thursday, July 14, 2011

Feeling Insecure

Preface: I would like to say that this has been one of the hardest, and most soul opening posts I've done. I always say that I'm going to be totally honest on here, and sometimes that is hard. I really wonder if anyone cares. But I pray that what I write helps at least one person. I know that writing it helps me work through things. So please, as you are reading this, don't judge me, or preach to me. I wrote this from my heart. I hope it helps someone out there. 

I have a confession. I've been really struggling with feeling super insecure about a lot of things. I am feeling insecure about how I look, how my life is, and just basically everything in my life. Have you ever felt like that? Have you ever been insecure? I think that I can safely say that all women, at some point in their lives, have been insecure at some point. 

I think the worse time of insecurity is when you are in middle school, and some of high school. I was so insecure in those years. I felt like a total screw up in so many ways. I felt so fat, and so bad about so many things. I felt like I was not good at school, and not good at keeping things together, and just not good at life. I had so many people tell me that it looked like I had everything together and all, but honestly all the way through high school, I felt like I was totally falling apart inside. I hated the way I looked, I hated my personality, I even hated the way I dressed. I was a total mess inside, and trying very hard to make everyone around me think I had everything together. 

As I got older, I will say, I got a little better. I met a man who thinks I'm gorgeous, and tells me that all the time. I got closer to God and started to realize that it only matters to be true to the person God made me, and care what He thinks. 

I would love to say that I have everything together. I would love to say that I'm totally secure in who I am, and that I totally don't ever compare myself to other women. I totally believe that God made me perfect and that I don't dislike any part of my body, and I believe that not only in my head, but in my heart. Wasn't that funny? Ok I know. That is totally not how I am.

I still get super insecure about myself. I can not stand the way I look sometimes. I can not stand my personality sometimes. I still feel like I'm falling apart on the inside and try very hard to not let anyone see it. I look at other women, and what they have and covet it. I compare myself and find myself lacking. I am not saying this is the right way to be, but I always promise to be honest, so there it is.

So I get insecure, so I start talking non stop about something, right now its school. I feel like I've been ruining some relationships, and hurting some, because all I talk about is school. To any of you reading this to which this has been the case, I am truly sorry. I do it because I am so insecure about many things, and my coping mechanism is to just focus on one thing and work really, really hard to be perfect at it so I don't feel like a total failure.

I also totally shut down on relationships because I feel like no one would want to be friends with me. I shut down and don't want to be talk, or be with anyone. I feel so fat and ugly that I'm embarrassed to be around anyone and have them look at me. Its a vicious cycle.

I am sorry if, while I have been going through this, I have hurt or upset anyone. Its my fault, and I am sorry. I am finally starting to get to the place where I am working through things right now. I am trying to spend more time with God, and instead of comparing myself to other women, I am trying to see myself through God's eyes.

I have to say that insecurity is something that I have always struggled with, and I'm praying that I work through it. I am trying to see myself, not as a failure, but as a work in progress. No, I'm no where near perfect. I know that. But God is working on me. 

I also need to see my looks as through Go's eyes. and be more confident in myself. No, I'm not 100 pounds, blonde with a size 2 waist, but I am beautiful. Ok, I still struggle to see the anything beautiful about myself, but I want to work to see myself as beautiful in the way God made me. 

Sometimes I wonder if I am the only one who gets insecure. But then I heard a quote that helped me to see that I am not the only one, "Every women, whether she is sixteen or sixty, still has that awkward insecure self-conscious teenager inside her.""

Is it true? I am the only one who struggles you feel less insecure? Does anyone have a specific verse that helps with being insecure? Do you have something that helps you? 


  1. I almost always have nudges of insecurity. I think I'm just a generally insecure person. I always say you have to fake it to make it though. I just pretend I'm not insecure and let that feeling kind of wash over me.

  2. Philippians 4:13
    Colossians 1:16
    Revelation 4:11

    Each one of us requires the spur of insecurity to force us to do our best. - Harold W. Dodds

    I think we all have blocks between us and the best version of ourselves, whether it's shyness, insecurity, anxiety, whether it's a physical block, and the story of a person overcoming that block to their best self. It's truly inspiring because I think all of us are engaged in that every day. - Tom Hooper

    Insecurity, commonly regarded as a weakness in normal people, is the basic tool of the actor's trade. - Miranda Richardson

    That's why you find a lot of entertainers are insecure, because it's the perfect camouflage for insecurity. - Gloria Gaynor

    Feeling insecure is a good time to pause for prayer. Write your prayers and thoughts out. :)

    Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

  3. My dearest Katie, insecurity is bred within each and every one of the human race, whether we want to admit it or not. It's hard to understand why other people accept us into their lives, when we are discontent with ourselves. I believe that God gives us insecurity so that we remember we are not perfect, only He is perfect, and in giving our lives over to Him to mold, we become perfect through our imperfections. The trials we face help to work out the impurities. Focus on God, not yourself. When you realize that God, who made you, loves you just the way you are, it becomes easier to accept yourself. See yourself through God's eyes and realize, He doesn't make mistakes. I'm about as insecure as they come, but courage to face each day, being as imperfect as I am, and knowing I'm God's child and nothing can change that, makes me more secure. Eleanor Roosevelt said it best when she said, "Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission." You are loved.



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