So after the last few posts I've felt like I had to bring great spiritual inspiration to every post. And I felt like to put anything besides pure awesome spiritual inspiration or something great would be a failure on my part. But today has been all about feeling like I'm a failure. Its been one of those days that everything seemed to go wrong and everything I tried to do just seemed to be a failure. And then God, through something my husband said, taught me a great lesson.
It started this morning. I woke up and went to the living room. Then I started getting super frustrated with Isaiah because our living is a wreck and its cluttered and I just looked out and started not being a good wife. I started talking to a dear sister from my church and realized that I had given it to God. Why was I taking it back?
Then I had a HUGE list of things I wanted to do today. My best friend was coming over in the afternoon and I wanted to get a lot done before she came over. But then I got so tired and bad cramps and I just wanted to lay down and not move. I had this whole day planned of stuff to get done and then a really nice supper I wanted to make.
So I didn't get my huge list done. And I felt like a total failure. I felt really bad. But I was honestly hoping the nice supper would redeem me. I totally felt like I was failing as a wife.
I made the supper and I was so excited to have made a nice supper for my husband. I started to make this casserole, and pulled it out of the oven and it looked TERRIBLE!!! I was hoping that the pie I made would salvage the dinner. Then I made rice.
While all this is cooking, I am miserable and tired and my stomach aches like no tomorrow. We sit down to supper. The rice is way way too wet, the meat looks like a weird cardboard, but the saving thing is still the pie right. Well the meat tasted worse than it looked.
My wonderful husband ate it dutifully and said it wasn't too bad. I was very close to just falling apart at this point. But I still had the pie. I went to cut it and it was basically soup. No, it was more liquid than soup.
I have to admit that I totally fell apart. I broke down crying. It was bad. I felt like a total loser and failure at life at this point. I felt like I am a terrible wife. Ever felt like that? Like you are just a total failure.
This is when my husband's amazing wisdom comes in. He holds me as I sob and blather on about how I failed at everything. Once I start to calm down he tells me that I'm not a failure. He tells me that I'm not failing. My standards are too high. I want to be superwoman.No, I want to be as amazing as our mother's are. And I can't. God doesn't expect me to be superwoman. He just expects me to be the best He made me to be.
I don't have to be superwoman. I don't have to be our mother. As Isaiah tells me, they have many years of experience over me. And another thing he tells me is that I have a different view of our mothers than is how they are. I see them as amazing and perfect. And guess what? I don't have to be them. And I don't have to be superwoman.
So I guess this day taught me, I can only do what God enables me to do. Sometimes that means that things don't turn out how I expect them to. But God will teach me through it. As I tell myself all the time, God doesn't care about our comfort; He cares about our relationship with Him.