My Body, and How I Feel About It

Back in January I said that one of my new years resolutions was lose weight and so far this year I've just gained a ton of weight. I weigh so much and I hate it. So I'm finally doing something about it. I've started working out everyday and working on portion control. I was eating a ton every time I ate but right now I'm working on eating a lot less. I want to not worry as much about a number as looking better and fitting into smaller clothes. Around my wedding last year I looked good and I want to get back to that. So that is my goal, and so far I have been doing pretty good. Right after I started working out I got really sick (like high fever all day and miserable kind of sick) so I didn't work out, but I did still work on what I ate, and now that I feel better and am going to get back to working out.

But you know how I also said in January that I wanted to love my body, because God made it and honestly hating how I look is bad, but I can't say I am there. I will love my body more when I lose weight, but I want to love my body the way I am, and just want to lose weight because I want to be healthier and feel better. I really want to get to the place that I don't hate how I look because God made me the way I am. I am not naturally skinny, I'm not blonde, I'm not blue eyed, I'm not small chested and I'm not tall (all things I have wanted). But God made me beautiful in my own way. I know this, somewhere. But I have always (since I was a little, little girl) hated the way I look. I wanted so many different things to change, and I've never worked through that fully.

Thankfully I have a husband who constantly is reminding me that I am beautiful in the way I am right now. He is amazing in supporting me in everything, and trying to help me see that I am beautiful the way I am. I am so thankful for His support.

I have to admit, this has not been an easy post to write. No one wants to tell everyone what they don't like about themselves, but I hope that someone else can appreciate the honesty and get something out of it.