February has been a very rough month for us, and I'm not ready to tell everything that happened but I can say that it has been a life changing month for Isaiah and I. I am so thankful its over now and hopefully life will be a little easier for a while, but I can say that my faith has grown so much through everything that has happened. I have felt His grace first hand and it has kept me going.
I don't have a strong faith. I tend to be more wavering. Isaiah though has a very strong faith. God is still God no matter what we go through. He has never questioned God as to why something happens the way it does or why God would do this to us, but I have to admit that I do. I question and wonder and my faith falters sometimes. I wonder how a God who loves me could put me through this, but this month God has really been showing me that even when I do not understand why He does something, He is still God, and what He does is best. I cannot tell you why still, but I know it.
I wish I could tell anyone who is going through something right now why they are. I wish I could tell you why we have been going through all we went through this month, but I can't. I have no clue. I just know that my loving Father will never put me through something just to hurt me. He has a bigger plan I can see and I can rest in that knowledge. I can't see what He can see, and I may never see it, but I can have peace knowing that whatever I'm going through its for good in my life.
That gives you peace but it does not make the intense pain go away. It does not mean that as a Christian you will never hurt or never cry. God's plan can hurt and I have to say I do struggle with wondering why He makes me go through these things. Why can't He teach us what we are supposed to learn without hurting us? I don't fully have an answer to that. I can just say that I can never know His plan, I can just know Him.
This month has brought my faith to a whole new level. I can say that I come out of this terrible month with a much bigger faith than I went into it. That is something good that comes out of our trials. They grow us. They bring us closer to God. But they are not fun.
This month has been very rough. But God has made Himself known. I have felt His love in such a great way that its indescribable. My faith in His plan and His wisdom is so much greater. I cannot tell you why we went through what we went through, but I can say that my God is still God.