Big News

So I know that I have been totally out of contact for quite a while. I am sorry. The last few months have been completely crazy, and its just been hard to write. I wanted to write a quick note about what was going on, and I promise to fill you all in more later. So as you know, things were crazy with my health. We weren't sure what was going to happen.

I wasn't getting better, and the dr couldn't figure out why I was still saying so sick, and losing weight so fast. I went to the dr and we talked about the next steps we would take to figure out why I couldn't keep food down, and what to do about having a second surgery. We decided to go ahead with a second surgery, and she was going to send me to a GI specialist to have a scope and figure out whats wrong. At the end of the visit she came back in the room with a shocked look on her face.

She said, well your pregnant. We aren't sure why we didn't catch this with all you have happened, but you are definitely pregnant. She couldn't believe it, we couldn't believe. Its been a total rollercoaster.

After being told I may always be infertile, and getting pregnant would be very difficult, and how sick I was, this baby is a miracle. The dr said she was amazed that I didn't miscarry with all the procedures and medicine I had. We were so shocked and nervous about losing the baby.

Well I am 12 weeks now, and the baby is very healthy. Its been a very rough pregnancy, and that is why I haven't posted. We are hoping its starting to get better, and I will fill you all in more later. I've never gotten this far along with the pregnancy, and seeing the baby on the ultrasound, and hearing its heartbeat, has been amazing.

I promise to post more later, especially when I feel better.

Doctors Visit

So I went to the doctor. I joked with the nurse that I should get a frequent visitor card like a frequent flyer vard. Its ridiculous. But anyway, I went to the doctor. It was all kinds of fun.

So I talked to the doctor. She is concerned that the vomiting is something wrong with my stomach, such as ulcers or something like that. She put me on a new medicine to try out for a week. Next Monday we are going to see how I'm doing. If the medicine isn't working for my stomach than she will probably send me to a gastrointestinal specialist.

Thankfully the pain is doing a lot better, and the doctor said its looking more like I may not have to have that second surgery. We are really praying that is the case.

Thank you for the prayers.

Post-Surgery Update

I want to start this post out by saying how much both Isaiah and I appreciate all the love and support we have gotten through this very rough time in our lives. So many people have come up beside us and prayed and loved on us through everything. We really can't thank you enough. Your love and support have really encouraged us. 

I cannot believe that one month ago I thought I was pregnant. One month ago I was so happy. One month ago my life was completely different. I feel like I have lived an entire lifetime in one month. I have gone from one of the highest, happiest times of my life, to one of the lowest and scariest times of my life in a few short weeks. I feel like I have felt every emotion known to man.

I wish I could say that through everything, and all the emotions all I have felt towards God is thankful and worshipful, but I honestly have struggled with all that also. I have had days where I am just in awe of Him, and praise Him for whatever He is doing in my life, and other days where I am just frustrated and almost angry at Him for not only taking my baby away, but also allowing me to go through all this with my health. I know its not the good Christian thing to say, but its the honest Christian thing to say. I have struggled with understanding, though I have come to realize that many of the great people in the Bible struggled with many of the same emotions, and yet God holds them up to us as examples. 

I keep thinking of Jacob. Like Jacob I am wrestling with God. I am wrestling with Him and not understanding Him. But when you read the story of Jacob and the wrestling, when he wrestled with God is when He got closer with God and God became an intimate part of His life. I can say that through all my wrestling, that I have drawn closer to God, and allowed Him to be more of a part in my life. I don't understand why He is allowing this, but I know that He has never left my side. I feel like I'm caught up in this hurricane (I"m from Florida so I understand hurricanes) of crazy emotions, bad news about my health, and physical ailments and all I can cling to is God.

I will admit I have been somewhat discouraged this week. It feels like we are never getting good news through everything. It feels almost like every time there is "well worst case is ...." its always the worst case. I have to admit I've cried to Isaiah, texted my sister in law in tears, and called my mom just needing some encouragement. My family has been such a help in helping me to stay strong when I need it. God gives them all just the words to say, when I need to hear them. 

Physically I am still struggling. My body is just physically worn out. Its not like I'm sleepy tired, its just feeling like my body is physically exhausted of all its been through. I am not able to do much at all.  I am still constantly throwing up, and nauseas. We think its honeslty worse than before the surgery. The good news is that I'm losing weight, but not in a healthy way. I'm barely eating, and most of the time when I do eat I throw it back up. The doctor is not sure why I am still so sick, and said that should be happening.

The doctor is also saying that there is a very big chance I will have to have a second surgery to remove my ovary. This second surgery will be much more intense than the first one was. We won't know for sure until at least after my first doctors visit (which is in a week) maybe not for a few weeks after that. 

Thankfully the very intense pain is mostly gone. I only have pain when I lay in a certain position or stay in one position too long. That has been one good sign.

So please keep praying for me and Isaiah. All this has been rough on him also. We are still facing a lot of uncertainty about what will happen next, and even what is still happening to my body. It doesn't seem to be over, but I know that God is my Healer. I am claiming that and believing it. I know that He can choose to miraculously heal me, or heal me through doctors. I also believe in James 5:16 "...pray for one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual prayer of a righteous man availeth much." 

Thank you for all your prayer, love and support. Isaiah and I greatly appreciate it. 

Babypalooza Giveaway Winners

I'm sorry to everyone for not posting the winners. With everything that has happened since I started the giveaways its just been hard to face posting this. But you all deserve a winner. So here I am, announcing the winner to both giveaways!!

The winners were picked using random.org.

The winner of Giveaway #1 with Amanda Simpkins is:

Angie Alford

The winner of Giveaway #2 with designs by maya is:

deanna

Congratulations to the winners! I will be emailing you today. Please respond within 48 hours or I will have to pick a different winner. I hope you love your prizes!!!!!

Update After Surgery

Hello my dear readers. I wanted to update you all on how my surgery went, and what is going on from here. I first want to say I really appreciate all the prayers and support that have come from those of you on facebook, on the blog, and others. I have not been able to personally thank every one that has been praying, and probably am not even aware of everyone that has been lifting me up in prayer. The amount of support and care I have had through this rough time has been truly amazing to Isaiah and I. We covet your prayers and thank you for everything.

Also, in describing the surgery I will use some female medical terms, and if that makes you uncomfortable please stop reading now. I don't want to make anyone upset. 

So surgery yesterday. Everything went pretty well. Once the doctor actually got in and started the surgery, the situation was a lot worse than originally expected. It turned out that my fallopian tube and my ovary had completely melded together, and then had melded to the side wall of my body. There was also a mass behind my uterus, which was removed. The doctor realized that the fallopian tube was already completely destroyed, much more than originally thought, and had to completely remove. She is a little concerned that the ovary may also have to be removed, but we won't know for another month or so. Also, the mass she found was sent for a biopsy, but she is not worried about it and thinks it is from the miscarriage.

The good news is that I am doing pretty good. I am alert (as you can see from the fact that I am posting). I am very dizzy and in a ton of pain, which makes walking difficult. Other than that I am doing pretty good. Today is supposed to the worst day, and so far not too bad. We will see as the day goes on. Thank you so much for all your prayers. I know they have helped.

An Update on Me, and What I'm Learning about God

Hello dear readers. Wow how fast life can change in one month. It was less than a month ago that I announced I was pregnant. I look back over this month and feel kind of like its been a lifetime in one short month. Anyway, one month ago I announced I was pregnant ( a little less but you get the picture). Then I found out that I wasn't pregnant, and something was wrong with me, and they had no clue what it was. Then I found out that I miscarried and got a very bad infection.

Because of the infection I started an intense round of antibiotics, which the doctor hoped would basically take care of the infection and that would be the end of it. The doctor did say that if the antibiotics didn't work that I would have to have surgery. So I rested, took my antibiotics and hoped and prayed to get better.

Well, I didn't. I found out that the antibiotics did not work, and surgery is the next option. The doctor considered it serious enough that I have to have surgery tomorrow, as in Wednesday, as in yeah wow.

Right now I am just reeling. The only surgery I have ever had is my wisdom teeth taken out. I am struggling with feeling really scared, and confused honestly. I know that Christians go through hard times, at least I said I know that. But when this all happened to me, its like somehow my heart didn't know it. I struggled so much with why would God not only make me miscarry, again, but then make me sick to the point of having to have surgery.

Honestly for over a week I was just numb. I didn't feel anything for a while. I kind of just lived. My husband kept saying that something would just trigger all the emotions, and then I could finally start working through things. And of course that is what happened (wow he is so smart).

I saw something and all of a sudden, I felt, well everything at once. Honestly the pain was so intense that I just didn't know what to do. I started to feel, and it was not pleasant. I swung between just sad about the loss of my baby, being angry with God for doing this, wondering if being a Christian was even worth it, and just confusion as to why all this was happening.

 I have to say writing this is not easy. I hate admitting my failings, especially in this way. I hate admitting to you that I questioned even something so basic to me as my faith in God. I also worry that someone will take it and just roll their eyes and think I am being over-dramatic. Well, that is how I felt, and I promised you all I would be completely honest with you, my dear readers. So there is me, being honest.

Anyway, I was feeling completely, well emotional. I just wasn't sure how to handle all my emotions, and everything that was going. Then two things happened that really helped me and helped me have a peace from God about the whole situation. First the song Stronger by Mandisa came on the radio. It really helped me to see that this is God making me stronger, and God is in control.

Then a dear friend sent me an encouraging note that really helped. She sent me the verses Psalms 16:8-9, which of course, was exactly what I needed to hear.

"I have set the LORD always before me: because he is at my right hand, I shall not be moved.Therefore my heart is glad, and my glory rejoiceth: my flesh also shall rest in hope."

These verses really helped me to see that God is with me, I don't need to worry, be scared. I will be ok. He is in control. Then I was doing some reading on my own and came across Psalms 121, 

"I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help. My help cometh from the LORD, which made heaven and earth. He will not suffer thy foot to be moved: he that keepeth thee will not slumber. Behold, he that keepeth Israel shall neither slumber nor sleep. The LORD is thy keeper: the LORD is thy shade upon thy right hand. The sun shall not smite thee by day, nor the moon by night. The LORD shall preserve thee from all evil: he shall preserve thy soul.The LORD shall preserve thy going out and thy coming in from this time forth, and even for evermore."

These verses really spoke to me about my God, the Creator of the world, the Lord of the universe, who is watching over me, and already knows what the outcome of all this is. He hasn't thrown me, and those I love, in this situation just to torture us; He put us in the situation out of love 

So tomorrow I go into surgery. I have to admit I still have some trepidation and am a little scared. But I know that my God is in control. I know that He already knows the outcome of my surgery, and this situation and He will hold me through it all.

What Is Going On

I know I never sent you all an update, and I'm so sorry. Since I went to the doctor life has been crazy! So anyway, after multiple tests and several hours spent at the doctor's office, I was diagnosed with an infected tube. I evidently had a miscarriage and not everything passed and it got infected.

I was put on antibiotics, and we really hoping they work. I go back to the doctor later this week to find out if they worked. If they don't, I will probably have to have surgery. We are really praying that the antibiotics work.

We are thankful that it was nothing more serious, and that it will be resolved. We are thankful, that hopefully, it can be easily resolved. It could have been much worse.

Please keep praying that the antibiotics work and that this is a simple solution. Thank you for all your support and prayers. We really appreciate it.