10 Day You Challenge

I stole this from Krystal, though I've seen it on multiple blogs and I thought it looked like fun, and a good way to relax so I thought I would try it.

I'm so excited to start. Today is ten secrets. This may be a little hard.

1. I still have my first doll. My grandmother gave her to me for my first Christmas. I called her Rock Rock (mostly because that was all I could say). I would sit in my little rocking chair and rock the doll for a long time and sing rock, rock, rock, rock. The name stuck and I still call her Rock Rock. She has always been special to me because I was very close to my grandmother and she died when I was young. Its one of the few things I have to remember her by. She sits on my nightstand still.

2. I hated sewing as a kid. (not exactly a surprise to quite a few people) I hated it with a passion. My mom and grandmother (not the Rock Rock one, my mom's mother) loved it and tried to get me to love it and failed. Everything I touched turned out terribly. I started doing it now and I love it.

3. Isaiah and I carry crutches in our trunk and ace bandages in our car. I am always spraining my ankle and having them has definitely come in handy a couple times.

4. I hate seeing animals hurt. I can't stand seeing pictures of people fishing, or hunting. I have nothing against either of those things. Isaiah loves to fish. I just can't stand seeing animals being hurt. And yes, I eat meat (I love it) but I can't think of the animal. I told Isaiah he can go hunt or fish, but I have to see it as it would come in the store. 

5. I don't like toast. For some reason, I just do not like toast at all. I am not a huge bread person, for some reason, toasting the bread makes it super nasty to me. 

6. I do not know how to French braid. Yeah, I know its stupid, but I know in my head how to do a French braid, but I can't actually do one. Its silly. I should learn that.

7. I couldn't do a cartwheel until I was a teenager. I was never able to do one until I took a basic gymnastics class and finally learned how to do one. I love doing them. They are so fun.

8.  I once took a conversion van down an atv trail, got it stuck between three trees, and they had to cut the trees down in order to get it out. Yeah, that's a story for another day. I still get a stress stomach ache thinking about it.

wow the secrets are getting shorter and shorter

9. I once had a little schoolroom/desk area in a laundry closet. My family lived in a tiny apartment, and there was no place to myself but there was a laundry closet that was about the size of tiny regular closet, but it was just the right size for my little desk, and a chair. I was sit in there with a lamp, and do my schoolwork (I was homeschooled) in the laundry closet.

10. I hate socks. I hate socks with a passion. In the winter I will do anything not to wear them, though they are slightly unavoidable in the winter. Sigh. I hate having my feet enclosed. I also don't really like tennis shoes and other shoes that totally closes in my foot.

That was not easy. whew. I hope you do the challenge with me. If you do, comment me a link. I would love to see what you wrote. 

Feeling Insecure

Preface: I would like to say that this has been one of the hardest, and most soul opening posts I've done. I always say that I'm going to be totally honest on here, and sometimes that is hard. I really wonder if anyone cares. But I pray that what I write helps at least one person. I know that writing it helps me work through things. So please, as you are reading this, don't judge me, or preach to me. I wrote this from my heart. I hope it helps someone out there. 

I have a confession. I've been really struggling with feeling super insecure about a lot of things. I am feeling insecure about how I look, how my life is, and just basically everything in my life. Have you ever felt like that? Have you ever been insecure? I think that I can safely say that all women, at some point in their lives, have been insecure at some point. 

I think the worse time of insecurity is when you are in middle school, and some of high school. I was so insecure in those years. I felt like a total screw up in so many ways. I felt so fat, and so bad about so many things. I felt like I was not good at school, and not good at keeping things together, and just not good at life. I had so many people tell me that it looked like I had everything together and all, but honestly all the way through high school, I felt like I was totally falling apart inside. I hated the way I looked, I hated my personality, I even hated the way I dressed. I was a total mess inside, and trying very hard to make everyone around me think I had everything together. 

As I got older, I will say, I got a little better. I met a man who thinks I'm gorgeous, and tells me that all the time. I got closer to God and started to realize that it only matters to be true to the person God made me, and care what He thinks. 

I would love to say that I have everything together. I would love to say that I'm totally secure in who I am, and that I totally don't ever compare myself to other women. I totally believe that God made me perfect and that I don't dislike any part of my body, and I believe that not only in my head, but in my heart. Wasn't that funny? Ok I know. That is totally not how I am.

I still get super insecure about myself. I can not stand the way I look sometimes. I can not stand my personality sometimes. I still feel like I'm falling apart on the inside and try very hard to not let anyone see it. I look at other women, and what they have and covet it. I compare myself and find myself lacking. I am not saying this is the right way to be, but I always promise to be honest, so there it is.

So I get insecure, so I start talking non stop about something, right now its school. I feel like I've been ruining some relationships, and hurting some, because all I talk about is school. To any of you reading this to which this has been the case, I am truly sorry. I do it because I am so insecure about many things, and my coping mechanism is to just focus on one thing and work really, really hard to be perfect at it so I don't feel like a total failure.

I also totally shut down on relationships because I feel like no one would want to be friends with me. I shut down and don't want to be talk, or be with anyone. I feel so fat and ugly that I'm embarrassed to be around anyone and have them look at me. Its a vicious cycle.

I am sorry if, while I have been going through this, I have hurt or upset anyone. Its my fault, and I am sorry. I am finally starting to get to the place where I am working through things right now. I am trying to spend more time with God, and instead of comparing myself to other women, I am trying to see myself through God's eyes.

I have to say that insecurity is something that I have always struggled with, and I'm praying that I work through it. I am trying to see myself, not as a failure, but as a work in progress. No, I'm no where near perfect. I know that. But God is working on me. 

I also need to see my looks as through Go's eyes. and be more confident in myself. No, I'm not 100 pounds, blonde with a size 2 waist, but I am beautiful. Ok, I still struggle to see the anything beautiful about myself, but I want to work to see myself as beautiful in the way God made me. 

Sometimes I wonder if I am the only one who gets insecure. But then I heard a quote that helped me to see that I am not the only one, "Every women, whether she is sixteen or sixty, still has that awkward insecure self-conscious teenager inside her.""

Is it true? I am the only one who struggles you feel less insecure? Does anyone have a specific verse that helps with being insecure? Do you have something that helps you? 

Please Pardon Our Dust

I am trying to do some blog makeovers and having some issues with it. Blogger is not letting me save the html code for the background. It says javescript void. If you have any suggestions I would love to hear them. I am sorry for the issues going on here. I know its not pretty, and pretty bad. But I'm working on it. Thanks for the patience.

Insta-Friday

So I am going to do a post about my anniversary weekend (I really am, I promise) so I won't post pictures from our anniversary weekend. I'll post other fun pictures from my week.

We got home late on July 4, and I had a ton of homework so we didn't go watch fireworks. My husband, however, loves fireworks so he broke out part (yes part) of his stash and we did some on the porch of our apartment. Ok it was mostly fireworks but it was fun.

Abby is a pyromaniac.

Wow, not the best shot of me. But the sparklers were really neat looking!

Isn't my husband good looking? sigh... ok but being serious, again neat sparklers

This is Mara's "Who me?"

Abby (one on top) had her paw around Mara and they were cuddling. 

I look old.... haha I love fun apps.

She was sleeping and looked oh so cuddly.

As you can see, I love my cats. And honestly, besides school nothing much has happened. I hurt my knee so I've been laid up on the couch most of the week. So you get a week of my darling baby girls.  But oh they are cute. 

I'm linking up, you should too. 

Clothing Fun

I found this really neat website called Polyvore where you can make all kinds of fun outfits and play around with colors. I have had so much fun. I love making outfits and playing around with clothes. I'm not the greatest at it, but I really enjoy it. I wanted to share some of my outfit ideas with you.

You will probably find some serious similarities between my outfits. I would love to have some comments on what you think of the outfits. I've never quite figured out my style, so if you have any insights on to what my style is I would love to hear it.

I love this bolero, and of course Vera Bradley. 

Its so happy and colorful. How fun for a summer church day.

I love the yellow and grey with the casual look.

I love the elegance and simplicity of this outfit. It would be great for winter.

I love the rose color with the flowers. Aren't the shoes amazing?

This was the first outfit I made. I love the color, and the shoes especially.

I would love to see any outfits you made. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.

Life Right Now

I know that I have not been posting much lately, but honestly life has been happening and sitting down and posting to the blog has taken a back seat. It probably will for about two weeks still. I have two weeks left of classes and then I am done with my AA. I'm so excited! But the next two weeks will be absolutely killer. I wish I could post a picture of my school planner. There are like three things due each day, and I'm behind. Oh joy. But I just keep thinking about my graduation and then about having a month off. I can't wait.

I'm just struggling with keeping everything going. Its a real struggle to keep the house together and take killer classes. I am totally failing right now. Honestly all I want to do is sew, sew and sew. Have you ever felt like that? You just wanted to let the house fall apart and the dishes pile up and the food not get cooked and just quit? I know its not the right attitude but its a struggle right now. I feel like with school and housework something always has to give, not to mention trying to tack on keeping up a relationship with my husband.

I guess that this part of life, but it seems like I'm on this never ending treadmill that is the dishes, the laundry, cleaning and homework. As soon as one thing gets done than another has built up. The laundry right now is overflowing.

I know that this is just a time in my life and that someday having all this homework will pass, though the housework will not. I am so thankful for a husband who has been so helpful in picking up on the things that slip. He is truly a wonderful man.

So what is God showing me through this? Well that I can only rely on Him. I need to put a top priority on my relationship with Him and then on my relationship with my husband. Something I've been thinking a lot about lately is about things lasting. When I look back on my life what will I remember that matters? Will I remember that the laundry was always perfectly done? Will I remember that my husband had a homecooked meal every day of his life? Or will I remember the time I spent with my husband? Will I remember the fact that I worked hard and finished school? Will I remember most of all that I spent time with my Lord?

Its something that God has really been teaching me. Instead of looking at all I have to do, I need to look at the long term (and even eternal) significance of what I am doing. I always wonder if when I am at the end of my life, what will I look back on and be glad that I did and what will I look back on and wish that I hadn't spent so much time on. Would I wish that I had stopped and just talked to my husband and not worried about all the housework?

Of course I am not saying that I am going to let the house totally go down hill and just not care, because that is not what God would want, but I am saying that maybe I shouldn't worry as much about things that don't matter as much as spending time with my husband and with my God.

Insta-Friday

I found this fun link up and friday blog thing and I loved it. Its a way to post all those random cell phone pictures taken during the week. Since I recently got the iphone (yay) and found the amazing app instagram. It takes cell phone pictures to a whole other level.

Abby was missing her daddy while he was at work. He got home and she hugged with his knee and his shoe (one of her favorite things in the world).

We live near Clearwater, FL and were driving across the causeway in the rain. The water and sky was so beautiful that I had to take a picture.

Mara cuddling with me. Its hard to see her eyes but they are really cute.

This is an amazing  donut place near our house. After having their donuts I cannot eat at dunkin donuts ever again. The staff is so sweet and know us in there. 

Abby greatly enjoys "helping" me sew. She overseas the whole endeavor.

My really good friend Kaytlyn is spending some time with us. We call her my mini me. She is so great. I love her.

We are about to leave for our one year anniversary weekend. We are staying in Orlando, FL for the long weekend. One of the great things about  having our anniversary on a holiday weekend is that we get a long weekend for our anniversary.